Yes, words can be bad, but they are never just words especially if the person who wants to use it has explicit intent behind them.
For example..
A person that is angry at the result they get when they use a certain N word toward a marginalized group that has been explicitly affected by it and can't without being seen as a racist or anti-semitic, can't just say "oh, it is JUST a word" when they themselves make an issue about the consequences when they use it, because deep down, they know themselves that it is NOT just a word, because, if it was, they themselves wouldn't want to use it. No one complains about not being able to use a words unless they have been told about the consequences that could come from it. This also applies to the other words that are used toward other marginalized groups.
Typically those who make the "just a word" argument know that their reasons for wanting to use it are obviously false, but they are cowards that just want to be able to use that particular word and not have negative consequences behind it. They are just trying to gaslight that group and are trying to escape their reaction to both the word in question AND being gaslit about it and their reaction to the offender. It kinda reminds me of a little kid that is angry that they can't curse in front of their parents without having to put soap in their mouth or being grounded as punishment. Or being on a no junk food diet but can't eat a slice of cheesecake or bag of Doritos.
Words are never just words and I think deep down people know that.
But they can also trigger an extremely emotional response because these certain words often have history, pain and trauma attached to them and they cannot be separated. For a lot of the marginalized groups, these exact words were usually among the last things we heard before things became violent toward us, or our loved ones who died under the same circumstances.
For example, when I was a kid, I was bullied for many reasons, but mostly because I was often the only girl in class, the only of two Black kids in class, and the fact that I was the only one born in Germany.. so I was often subject to both N words growing up. I have but called both just as often. (Even the other Black kid in class bullied me about being born in Germany and because I was light-skinned, so I got the trifecta of racism, colorism AND anti-semitism.. lucky me right?)
But the reason I don't react in the way the offender expects me to when they used it against me, is because that person isn't worth my freedom so I don't get angry, I just stay cool and respond in kind and it is usually at that point things come to blows because they had already started swinging in response. If you can control your emotions in a fight you usually will prevail.. and in that one, two blows sealed the deal and they got expelled for starting it.
For me, whenever I hear someone use those N words against me, I see the trauma my Black ancestors went through with it and that violent imagery comes with it in the same way I see it with "Nazi" because I know the history, but the former is more personal to me because I am Black and I heard my ancestors stories about everything they went through with it. But I am still not going to react in the way someone expects. Not because I think that "it is just a word" but because, if you don't control your emotions and your reactions to other people, then they also control you, and I refuse to relinquish that power to anyone.
But, that is just me though.
My friend, on the other hand, has a lot more trauma behind that word than I do, not only is he much darker and darker people of any ethnic grouping are usually treated worse by society than fair skinned people.. and he has pretty much heard it in every stage of his life and especially in the military.
So, if that person [from a non-marginalized group] (let's face it, it is ALWAYS someone from a non-marginalized group with this EXACT complaint) the very first part of my post were around my friend complaining about not being able to use the " Hard R" version of the N word, then his fist might be down that man's throat (if offender is male, if female then he can be more surgical with his tongue against against her and will respond in kind) the moment he utters "Nigg-" (it is all in the "I" sound before the "G") so obviously with him, the "Soft A" version will get the same response.
And we have debated about this fact many times.
My position on that word is use it if you want, but don't complain about the consequences if you receive them, because they may vary and you will deserve the reputation you end up with.
That said, whenever someone asks why they can't use these certain words without an angry response from that affected group and others and ending up with a negative reputation as a result and I usually ask them 2 questions.. but they only answer one.
1. Do you know the history of the word and exactly what it means to the group that gets angry and why they do so?
A. Yes.
2. Knowing what you do about that groups history with that word, why would you even want to use it around them?
A. *blankly stares in silence*
Fin.