At what point can it not be fat shaming?

[MrDawn]

Most of the time, if you make a comment about someone's weight it is seen as being rude and insensitive.

But what if it's your partner or a family member that's getting to be grossly obese (500 - 900Lbs) and you're concerned about their over all health? Are we still allowed to voice concern or should we leave it alone?

 

[Black Angel]

If it is a partner, friend or family member and you are concerned about their intent then that is one thing as it concerns you and you are personally invested because you care about them. You would already know how to approach the person with care, as you care about them.

It becomes fat shaming, when you don't know the person, and it has no direct effect on you because you don't know them personally and as such, it is none of your concern.

Like for example, people fat shaming Lizzo.. as if they know her. Just because she is famous doesn't mean people have a right to shame her over something that has nothing to do with them. These people should take into consideration that she is surrounded by professionals, be they doctors, lawyers, accountants, trainers, managers and assistants.. she also has a family too.

So, if her team of professionals are ok with what she is doing, then that is all that matters because they are professionals. And the armchair doctors out there should be minding their own health and personal business because chances are, they couldn't do 1/10 of the stuff she does on stage and while on tour..

And if we are comparing their chances to her with respect to health care, then their odds are much worse than hers because she is famous, and surrounded by a team of professionals and Dr. Joe Armchair is not and will likely succumb to whatever condition she would be saved from or their treatment would not be as good.

That said, a lot of these fat shamers who are only concerned about health, are no different from those who swear up and down that they aren't racist but want to use the N word without being thought of as one. These people who fat shame also conveniently forget that mental health is health too, and so, to brutally fat shame or humiliate someone over their weight, or appearance with no regard for the impact their words and behavior will have on that person's mental health, negates the bullshit narrative of them doing so out of concern for that person's health and it is PEAK gaslighting.

Mental health is health too, and just because you can't see the scars, doesn't mean that they aren't there. There are plenty of thin people out there killing themselves for various reasons and using different methods to do so, but no one says a thing to or about them.. it's like as long as they are thin then it is ok.. like being fat is the worst thing you can be as a person.. and these days you never know how your words will impact someone, or how their day went up until that point and it could push them to do something they wouldn't normally do because of it, and that is all the more reason to watch what you say to someone..

So truly, the best thing to do, is if the person is someone you know personally and truly care about someone you are personally invested in, then bring up your concerns in a gentle manner and if the person isn't related to you in any way shape or form, then it is best to mind your business. Sure it would be your right to say what you want about a person, but other people would be well within their right to think that you were an asshole because of it.

Minding your business really is that simple and the people that do so, seem to be the happiest overall, so with all the misery out there, people should be doing this to create their own happiness instead of trying to spread their misery to others.

 

[Crys]

If it is a partner, friend or family member and you are concerned about their intent then that is one thing as it concerns you and you are personally invested because you care about them. You would already know how to approach the person with care, as you care about them.

It becomes fat shaming, when you don't know the person, and it has no direct effect on you because you don't know them personally and as such, it is none of your concern.

Like for example, people fat shaming Lizzo.. as if they know her. Just because she is famous doesn't mean people have a right to shame her over something that has nothing to do with them. These people should take into consideration that she is surrounded by professionals, be they doctors, lawyers, accountants, trainers, managers and assistants.. she also has a family too.

So, if her team of professionals are ok with what she is doing, then that is all that matters because they are professionals. And the armchair doctors out there should be minding their own health and personal business because chances are, they couldn't do 1/10 of the stuff she does on stage and while on tour..

And if we are comparing their chances to her with respect to health care, then their odds are much worse than hers because she is famous, and surrounded by a team of professionals and Dr. Joe Armchair is not and will likely succumb to whatever condition she would be saved from or their treatment would not be as good.

That said, a lot of these fat shamers who are only concerned about health, are no different from those who swear up and down that they aren't racist but want to use the N word without being thought of as one. These people who fat shame also conveniently forget that mental health is health too, and so, to brutally fat shame or humiliate someone over their weight, or appearance with no regard for the impact their words and behavior will have on that person's mental health, negates the bullshit narrative of them doing so out of concern for that person's health and it is PEAK gaslighting.

Mental health is health too, and just because you can't see the scars, doesn't mean that they aren't there. There are plenty of thin people out there killing themselves for various reasons and using different methods to do so, but no one says a thing to or about them.. it's like as long as they are thin then it is ok.. like being fat is the worst thing you can be as a person.. and these days you never know how your words will impact someone, or how their day went up until that point and it could push them to do something they wouldn't normally do because of it, and that is all the more reason to watch what you say to someone..

So truly, the best thing to do, is if the person is someone you know personally and truly care about someone you are personally invested in, then bring up your concerns in a gentle manner and if the person isn't related to you in any way shape or form, then it is best to mind your business. Sure it would be your right to say what you want about a person, but other people would be well within their right to think that you were an asshole because of it.

Minding your business really is that simple and the people that do so, seem to be the happiest overall, so with all the misery out there, people should be doing this to create their own happiness instead of trying to spread their misery to others.

You said this better than I could. Agree completely.

 

[Doc Nova]

Black Angel covered everything I was, but there's another aspect to this. Even if you approach the topic in a sensitive way with said heavy person, it can go one of two ways.

1. They get offended and think you're fat phobic.
or
2. They legitimately do not see being heavy as a problem.

Both scenarios result in a huge problem. Either the person remains fat for the rest of their life and potentially dies from something weight related, or they embrace being fat even more and act like it's something to be proud of. I understand body positivity and that there are different shapes and sizes, but body health is also something that needs to be at the top of everyone's mind. As someone who is fat, I do not think being fat is something that should be glorified, proud of or promoted.

 

[Black Angel]

I agree, and that is all the more reason for people to mind their own business especially if it is regarding something that doesn't personally affect them. This consequence is avoidable, but if the person is the type where they always have to have an opinion on everything then it isn't, and they will end up with the reputation they deserve as a result.

There are plenty of people out there who think that being a certain way is a good thing.. whether we are talking about being a racist or fat. I don't have to agree with them, but at the same token I don't have to infringe upon them either.

Chances are, they know they are fat, they are the ones that have to live their lives that way, but the bottom line is, we aren't walking in their shoes, and they aren't walking in ours, we don't know what they are going through because every person is different and that is ok. But who are we to try and shame them over it? Who are we to take it upon ourselves to mind other people's business?

It gets to a point that being fat, is a lesser offense then minding someone else's business by commenting on something that has nothing to do with them. A fat person can always lose weight, but an asshole will still be an asshole regardless.

Besides, body shapes have always gone in and out of style.. (especially where women are concerned..) and to the extremes, no less.. so this probably won't be the first trend or last.