I'm not sure what to think of it.

[MrDawn]

I recently got angry with a friend. A few weeks back maybe.He and I didn't talk for a week or so. I felt I was berated for no reason than.

I'm kind of regretting it presently. Although I still feel that my feelings were in the right area. I was having a horrible day and he asked me for a favor to help his friend. Well, out of anger and I was in a shit mood to begin with. I felt it convenient to be a hard ass that day.

He asked me to help a guy with a very small thing. I felt it was a waste of time and offered advise instead. Basically I wanted to do it my way. I felt it would have been quick and easy.

Before I know it, I'm being chewed out over it. Berated. No reason. Just a misunderstanding.

Now, I feel like that I missed out on an opportunity. So I feel like it cost me more not to do it in the long run.

This part of the story is long behind me now. Just the results it bares.

What the problem that I'm describing is, by standing up for myself. I have missed out on a reward that would have been better had I been walked on like a rug. Had I put aside my pride and my thoughts and just did one simple task. Things wouldn't be where they are now.

So because of it. Someone else, another guy that I know is reaping the rewards. So in one way, I'm jealous with envy. Because that could have been me had I not been acting like a prick that day.

So yeah, theres that. Presently regretting my decision of that day. However, I have given my apologies. But apology doesn't undo or make it right still.

What I'm really lacking in these relations is trust. Trust leads to opportunities. However, since that is gone. It leads to another problem. Are these people really my friends?

Seems I'm at war with my thoughts. Not sure what to think really. Was it worth it I wonder?

Are these people really worth the time to be my friends after what I'm going through?

Just a lot of thought is going on what is good and what isn't. I'm at a cross roads. I feel separate from them. I don't even feel like a friend. I feel they are on one side of the road in a group. While I'm not included. The odd man out. I feel rejected all of a sudden.

Seems my guilt and intuition out weigh my wounded pride.

 

[~KAGE-008]

This is happening to me also. Since late 2013. I had issues with a friend at high school. Then after 2014 started, my trust went down and it just made it worse.

 

[Jazzy]

Sounds to me like you're only feeling regret because you missed out on an opportunity and not because you feel bad for refusing to help your friend that day. If there was no reward for helping him that day, would you still have apologized to him?

 

[MrDawn]

Sounds to me like you're only feeling regret because you missed out on an opportunity and not because you feel bad for refusing to help your friend that day. If there was no reward for helping him that day, would you still have apologized to him?

Good question. The reward was not an item. It was respect. Now that I'm really not among them any more. It has opened my eyes. I lost all of their respect that day. It shows how one small thing can change something on a huge scale. This is the part that is hard to think about. Had I known that I was going to fall for saying no. I would have complied and did it. The lesson is learned.

 

[WhoFlungpoo]

The thing is though. Most of the time people expect from us. When we actually say what we think and feel it isn't always received well.

Personally, I think your friend over reacted and in doing so made you feel guilty for expressing yourself.

I don't do things for a reward. I do them because I believe it is the right thing to do. That been either for them or me at the time.

I would feel my friend didn't respect the way I felt, even if they didn't agree with me if they berated my thoughts. By not speaking to me I too would feel lack of trust by the distance caused by the silent treatment.