Elite MemberOne day I met a sweet lady and fell in love. When it became apparent that we
would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I
would be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more
than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any
ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before
I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight. She then
blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and
just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.
She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went
to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my lovely wife was out of the room I
seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned
the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped
off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage , pheeww.....
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I
quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with
myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned,
apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold and I assured her I had not.
At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: Happy Birthday!
I ALMOST FAINTED.
would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I
would be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more
than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any
ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before
I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight. She then
blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and
just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.
She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went
to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my lovely wife was out of the room I
seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned
the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped
off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage , pheeww.....
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I
quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with
myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned,
apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold and I assured her I had not.
At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: Happy Birthday!
I ALMOST FAINTED.
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