I've been there.. I think it happens most to those who have good hearts because we are more likely to give them more chances to do right by us, and are more likely to try and work with them and put more time into them in the hopes that they will love and treat us in the way we deserve. This is self-destructive and it is a pattern that repeats itself often. Low self-esteem can cause a lot of the same problems that a narcissistic jerk would have already.
Someone who grew up as the butt of all the jokes and is the target of hatred and hostility can internalize those same EXACT things and cast them outward on those who care most about them. It is a nasty cycle that just repeats itself.
Case in point, the reason why there was so much domestic violence in Black households during post-slavery, Jim Crow and later, is because the Black men that were often the target of White hate ended up internalizing the hateful narratives about themselves and even Black women and during the violent confrontations at home, the first things out of their mouths were often the same or identical stuff that White men said to them when they were being targeted and the same goes for Black women as well.
My late great-grandmother often told and taught me ways I could defend myself if I were ever SA'd by a man. And it was often these same methods I would use to defend myself from those who tried me like that growing up. Unfortunately, these methods don't work if you were roofied and somewhere unconscious, (but that is a story for another time.)
But, my point is that, even that advice, was one that was originated from trauma. And, if someone had sat back and recorded parts of that conversation and just released the bits where my great-grandmother told me exactly where to target the aggressor, and what to do and then put out an accusation that said she hated men and then released it publicly, then my great-grandmother would come off as a crazy woman who wanted to physically castrate a man with her bare hands and instructing her great-granddaughter to do the same.
Instead of a woman who had likely been preyed on my a man in her past, recalling that horror and then teaching her great-granddaughter how to protect herself if, she were ever in the same situation herself. Much of the things our mothers and grandmother's did to protect us, were born from these times as well.
For example: "Make Sure You Are In The House By The Time The Street Lights Come On" might be something that WE ALL heard growing up from our parents, regardless of color, class or creed, but for Black people, it still hearkens back to a time when kids didnt always return home after playing outside, they were often found hanging in a tree, or anywhere else White people left them. This was especially the case in the 60s and it was why that Black communities often stuck together and looked out for each other and their kids.
My brother and I benefitted from this in the 80s and 90s when we would stay with a neighbor until our Mom got home from work, if our great-grandmother wasn't able to get to the door because of pain and our uncle wasnt home to let us in.. (I had a really bad habit of losing keys as a kid.. so I didn't have one until I was a bit older..) this was done to make sure that we were safe, and no joke if we did anything bad in school or outside not only would be disciplined by the neighbor, but also by our Mom when she got home.
This stopped when one neighbor started beating me because I refused to do her daughter's homework for her and I told my Mom the truth when the neighbor lied and said I was bullying her daughter to do my homework for me. My mother already knew that was bullshit not just from the fact that I won awards from the city because of my city-wide test scores, but also because she remembered the conversations she had with the neighbor over her daughter having to repeat the same grade 4x. The girl was 4 years older than me and should've been a high school freshman by then.
At any rate, I say all this because, when you have a person that has dealt with trauma over a very long period of time, be it publicly like a celebrity or in private like a regular civilian, those who were often on the brunt end, can end up looking like the aggressor in cases like this, and those who seek to make them look a certain way, will know exactly what buttons to push to get a certain reaction and they'll know
exactly how to play it
when they get the reactions they wanted. Some women can really be that cold and calculating to some they were intimate with.
So, while I am not assigning blame here because like I said above, I don't know Jonah Hill from Adam, anymore than I know his ex-gf from Eve, but what I do know is the things that have been said by him regarding what he has been through and how he has been treated, and for anyone else that has been through the same, knows that they would be coming from a place of low self-esteem and distrust and so they'd end up wanting to take back control as a defense mechanism.
In the same way a person who had been victimized themselves would and they would also do so because they wouldn't be as easily able to trust another person, and it is these things that would make them especially vulnerable to those looking for an opportunity. Some people in this case, end up victimizing others, because they couldn't get revenge on the person who victimized them.. so in this case, either situation could be applied to both parties.. because abusive behavior is cyclical.
But when you have a person that has been outspoken about what they went through, and is usually a private person, and another person who got involved with them and knows these things from personal experience with them, instead, releases private communications publicly, instead of working out their issues with the person privately, (or in therapy) then that looks suspicious too. When that happens, and especially within limited context, then the person who was victimized, will often look like the aggressor.. kind of like Black people today for the reasons I mentioned above. I think Malcolm X touched on this when he said what he did about the media being powerful enough to make you sympathizing with the aggressor, while also making you hate the victim. (I paraphrased, but here is the actual quote.)
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.
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In this case, I'd wonder what the person who released the private info would have to gain from doing so, and I wonder how it would look if the roles and genders were reversed. How would it look if Jonah Hill had released private communications from his ex, whom had already moved on and has a family of her own now? But even still, like I said before, like attracts like.. so while he looks like an asshole here, she doesn't exactly come off smelling like a bed of roses either. He has moved on and has a new kid now and she is releasing texts messages from a relationship that ended 2 years ago and agreed to said terms beforehand as a condition of being in said relationship. There would have been no relationship had she not previously agreed to his conditions.
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