On a Sears hairdryer: ...Do not use while sleeping.
(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): Do not turn upside down. (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Oh my gosh...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): Do not turn upside down. (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Oh my gosh...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
