I went to the grocery store today and the cashier said my total was $208.47. I wanted a second opinion so I went to self checkout and my new total was $43.20.
Off Topix: Embrace the Unexpected in Every Discussion
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Nebulous
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I think it's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Walmart" is a hit reality show.
I wish I had enough money to discover that it doesn't actually make me happy.
Arguing with me is pointless, I knew I was wrong 10 minutes ago. I'm just trying to make you mad now.
McDonald's is the only restaurant I know that repeats everything you said and still gives you the wrong order.
You know it's going to be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order on you.
How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
You’re not really supposed to do this, but this is what I do. Me: Training a new person at work.
When someone says, stop living in the past, I say, but the music was so much better then.
When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
Your handwriting is just your hand’s accent.
Everyone I know is a “snack getting stuck in a vending machine” away from total collapse.
*Places finger on cop’s lips-* ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.
Octopuses are just wet spiders.
Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
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