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Affliction

Caligo

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This is not based on a dream. Surprisingly. I wrote this for two reasons: 1. I wanted to work on emotions. I was trying really hard to make it emotional, so that the reader could get what the feeling was. and 2. because I was in a bad mood. XD Oddly enough, I wrote this a short time before some loved ones passed away.
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Anyways, enjoy and let me know what you thought. Feb '08




Affliction





One…Two…Three…



Lungs passed full capacity. Burning up the esophagus, bile bubbling at the entrance to the stomach. The only thing processing is the pounding of your rapid heart against your ribcage as if any moment it would break free, and the blood that roared in your eardrums. Hand on chest, you can’t even force yourself to breathe because even if your lungs decided to work, your windpipe was closed. Eyes dry from shock, not blinking, triggering the hot tears, making your eyes smolder all the more.



Can it really be reality? Or is it just a dream?



Everything seems blurred, as if for just a moment, you’re trapped in time. No one moves around you, their routine and thoughts not focused on your existence. The pressure in your chest is tightening, almost as though someone were trying to suffocate you. Your limbs are feeling heavy, like lead weights, and spots begin spreading across your vision. Wave after wave of dizziness assaults you, and you feel the only solution will be the darkness moving its way around the edges of your sight. You’re drowning, your surroundings closing in on you, and it’s all going to end soon.



It’s just a nightmare. It’ll all be over.



Then it’s all over. The pause in time shatters, and quickly seems to speed back up to a normal pace. Your lungs heaving to replace the carbon dioxide that was polluting your blood. Chills wrack your spine as the rate of your heart slows, the roaring in your ears gradually becoming a murmur. Air revitalizes your thoughts, the dizziness turning into lightheadedness before vanishing. The pain is diminishing, but the emotional effects are still sinking into your still oxygen deprived brain.



Can it really be…? I don’t understand how this could happen.



An ear piercing scream suddenly rips through your eardrums. Then you realize that you’re the one screaming. All your emotional and physical pain building up until you couldn’t even control it anymore. Its beastly cry tearing passed your dry, cracked lips. Your existence is suddenly known. The strange faces turning, and stopping to stare, confusion, fear and curiosity crossing each of their faces. When your scream dies away, your knees go weak, your legs feel like jelly. Until you can’t even hold yourself up. Falling, a sharp pain in your legs sends signals to your brain that’s already starting to shut down, not able to deal and compensate with the overload of emotions. Like grains of sand falling from between your fingers, you feel your sanity slipping away. Your arms wrap tightly around yourself, as you begin to rock back and forth.



Why did it happen…? You promised you would be there!



A crowd has already begun to surround you, though you hardly notice. You feel hollow, like a part of your soul is missing, violently ripped from you by the claws of fate. There’s no way for you to react. Nothing’s left in the shell of your still living body. All feelings have ceased to flow, and you feel as if you’re falling in a black abyss, but you’re not sure what to expect from it. It’s as though you’re in a state of limbo.



It’s all over…it’s really gone…There is no future…



A temporary reality finally sets in. Still empty, what’s happened slowly sinks in, driving the stake in your heart ever deeper. But you know it’s true, and you can no longer hide from its mutilated face. You stand up weakly, swaying back and forth in a still dazed demeanor. The faces around you full of more surprise and wonder, though nothing fazes you. You push past them, almost as though it was a common occurrence. Soon enough the people move on their way, your existence forgotten almost as soon as it came into light in their eyes. None of this even registers in your nonfunctional brain, only the basest of commands working through your nerves and muscles.



What else is there?
 
That is good, but I don't think I like it as well as a 'story' ...

You did capture some good emotion in that. Very descriptive.
 
I understand what you mean. I'm glad it at least came across as being descriptive though. It was more of a practice piece really. I'll probably be putting up another 'story' sometime this week if I get the chance, so we'll have to see how that goes. lol
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A lot of writers don't get as much description in their pieces as they should. Mike fell into the river, I'm going to drown, he thought

Yours really captured some emotion.
 
I'm glad! I was trying to make it descriptive without overloading it. Sometimes too much detail carries you away from what's trying to be said. If you understand what I mean. Sometimes I'm worried that might end up doing that.
 
I can see where that might be a problem. As long as you are open to constructive critism which will only help your work--I think you'll be fine.
 
I definitely am! As long as it's helpful and not rude, I love getting it! I'm always trying to be a better writer.
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