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Fancy names for ordinary, every day objects?

Nebulous's iconNebulous

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What is the fanciest name you can make up for an ordinary, every day object?
 
Straw - Suction-based beverage transfer apparatus

Blanket - Personal thermal retention device.
 
Condoms - Boner Bonnets

Curtains - Window Blankets

Hot dogs - Tube steaks
 
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