Have We Become Too Soft on Child Discipline?

[WHO IS SERAFIN]

i'm pretty sure it's considered child abuse and a crime if a parent punches their kid in the stomach, but what ever you say...

Once again misrepresenting. I never suggested punching your kid but a smack on the butt for a out of control kid is fine. But I was beyond out of control and stubborn at the time.  I myself would not smack my kid on the face but every child is different.

not misrepresenting squat...

you said your father punched you in your stomach when you were a minor, and you agreed to that form of discipline... and that's what we were clearly talking about, nothing more and nothing less...

then i told you the facts, that punching your kid in the stomach is not a good way to discipline your child and in america, against the law...

but yeah, i'm misrepresenting what you say...

are you actually reading what you say liberty?

Yes you are very good at misrepresenting. You take words from a story and somehow make it out to be things people would support when no such things are said. So yeah you are.

 

[Payton]

I was never in trouble with the law as a kid but I was hard core stubborn kid. I once spent 3 months confined to my room eating breakfast and dinner in there and after school with everything removed from my bedroom except my homework a bed and a few god awful boring books my dad picked I could read. The weekends I got dragged out to my dads empty land in the woods and dug holes 4 feet wide by 4 feet deep all day every weekend for future oak trees to be planted because of something I did and did again. The only thing that worked on me was physical to get me to change my ways. And not the kind of physical where I was hurt. But the kind being where I thought I was a bad ass at the time and was more embarrassing then I could stand. And that was a slap to the face from my dad who I was always in competition with proving I could be stronger and faster. I would do anything to avoid that kind of embarrassment. I would have rather had my dad say lets go brawl outside and do full bare knuckles and got my ass kicked then a slap to the face. It was very rare  he did it but when it was done it got me back on the right path of getting my act together.

There was only one time he used a fist against me and that is when I was 17 and I was ten years into Taekwondo  and pretty serious into competition tournaments. And just months from leaving home at 17 like the a dumb teenager before I was ready. This day was building up since I had turned 17 thinking I am close enough to 18 to do what I want. In short I took my motorcycle over a hundred miles to Tampa when I was supposed to be doing something else. And when I got home and tried to sneak through the door it swung open hands grabbed my shirt swung me around and smashed me into a wall. Which instinctively made my training come in and force his arms down and off me while I then raised my arms into a fist motion. He then said in the pure anger he was in you want a piece of me take a shot! Knowing full well I was in the wrong declined and got a punch to the gut. I bent over to the ground not expecting it. When I looked up he was gone and that day was never spoken again.

There is no trauma or suffering in my life because of it. Out of control kids sometimes need physical discipline to get them in line before there lives go down the tubes. This attitude of all love and gentle means of raising a kid has created the very high percentage of crappy kids we have now. And the millenials with the kinds of self mental disorders we have never seen before.

Maybe none that you're consciously acknowledging but something of that nature definitely will have psychological impact, whether it is positive or negative I guess we can only leave up to you to ascribe. I'm sorry you had to experience those things because it sounds like that would be a difficult environment to grow up in, and honestly I think you were abused. Since it's in the past there is nothing I can do for you except offer my condolences.

 

[Ellie1142545]

There's something about that in that old Book that Ellie talks about on here.

Something about... "sparing the rod, and the child ends up in state prison....."

She can tell you better than I can.

What you're thinking about is....Sparing the rod, and spoiling the child....In other words, if you do not displine the child, he/she will grow up to a life of crime....

 

[Ellie1142545]

This incident is mild, compared to when my children were growing up.....

If they got out of line, they were swatted, when they were young.....And hey! you could even spank the child in public, and no one complained about it, like they do today....

Today's children, are growing up, to do what they want....All because Mom and Dad do not wish to give the spankings that are needed....

 

[Dee]

If you're a proactive parent and start teaching children from day one that certain things are bad (ie. telling them what those bad things are and WHY they are bad), chances are you'll have limited issues. Of course, kids are going to act up, no doubt about it. But when you're proactive, and you take no shit by putting your foot down and sticking to your guns, chances are the child is going to quickly realize that they aren't going to get their way. Much of what happens is threatening or quick-to-respond by hitting the child, even if it's just a quick swat, which doesn't exactly help the child begin to understand why what they're doing is wrong.

 

[Bluezone777]

Fear isn't necessarily bad depending on what the fear is about. A fear of crossing a street if they haven't looked both ways first is a good fear to have.

The problem is people do not have a clear definition of what discipline actually is versus abuse. If your method of discipline leaves bruises, marks or leaves the child in need of medical care then that's abuse. If the voice of the parent is so loud that the people can hear it throughout the house or even across the street then yes that's abuse.

Another issue is parents who think discipline is an excuse to vent their anger. A child is not to be used as a punching bag as the point of discipline is to illustrate the action that they did that was wrong and to show the right action to avoid discipline. This leads a child to adopt healthy habits that they carry throughout life instead of unhealthy ones that they will have to spend years trying to break out of that is if they even can. If anything, not disciplining your child IS abuse whether you like it or not.

 

[seasidemike]

What I really disagree with is parents who may discipline their kids for the right reasons, and then go an post it on YouTube for it to go viral. There is one thing disciplining a kid and a whole other thing humiliating him/her

 

[Dee]

Fear isn't necessarily bad depending on what the fear is about. A fear of crossing a street if they haven't looked both ways first is a good fear to have.

The problem is people do not have a clear definition of what discipline actually is versus abuse. If your method of discipline leaves bruises, marks or leaves the child in need of medical care then that's abuse. If the voice of the parent is so loud that the people can hear it throughout the house or even across the street then yes that's abuse.

Another issue is parents who think discipline is an excuse to vent their anger. A child is not to be used as a punching bag as the point of discipline is to illustrate the action that they did that was wrong and to show the right action to avoid discipline. This leads a child to adopt healthy habits that they carry throughout life instead of unhealthy ones that they will have to spend years trying to break out of that is if they even can. If anything, not disciplining your child IS abuse whether you like it or not.

Unfortunately, this is a LOT of what I see. Not every parent spanks their child out of anger, but this is very prominent. My dad did it. My mom did it. My sister-in-law still does it. Everyone I've spoken to and done research on has hit their child out of "frustration", out of not knowing how to handle the situation in any other way at that very moment the child is acting up. They will either spank or grab and yank, some kind of physical force that may hurt the child at the time only briefly, but what impact does it have on them mentally? They are not dolls to toss around. They are human beings who are even more fragile and vulnerable because they don't understand the world like adults do, which is why I'm against spanking as a form of punishment. You don't get spanked by your boss or by the cops for "being bad". Although you might get something worse from the cops. In any case, it's just a silly punishment to me as it is not something I feel is beneficial to a child in any way, shape, or form.

 

[seasidemike]

My parents hit me when I deserved it, nothing wrong with it.
Didn't damage me for life, and by God there were times when I deserved it.

 

[WHO IS SERAFIN]

I was never in trouble with the law as a kid but I was hard core stubborn kid. I once spent 3 months confined to my room eating breakfast and dinner in there and after school with everything removed from my bedroom except my homework a bed and a few god awful boring books my dad picked I could read. The weekends I got dragged out to my dads empty land in the woods and dug holes 4 feet wide by 4 feet deep all day every weekend for future oak trees to be planted because of something I did and did again. The only thing that worked on me was physical to get me to change my ways. And not the kind of physical where I was hurt. But the kind being where I thought I was a bad ass at the time and was more embarrassing then I could stand. And that was a slap to the face from my dad who I was always in competition with proving I could be stronger and faster. I would do anything to avoid that kind of embarrassment. I would have rather had my dad say lets go brawl outside and do full bare knuckles and got my ass kicked then a slap to the face. It was very rare  he did it but when it was done it got me back on the right path of getting my act together.

There was only one time he used a fist against me and that is when I was 17 and I was ten years into Taekwondo  and pretty serious into competition tournaments. And just months from leaving home at 17 like the a dumb teenager before I was ready. This day was building up since I had turned 17 thinking I am close enough to 18 to do what I want. In short I took my motorcycle over a hundred miles to Tampa when I was supposed to be doing something else. And when I got home and tried to sneak through the door it swung open hands grabbed my shirt swung me around and smashed me into a wall. Which instinctively made my training come in and force his arms down and off me while I then raised my arms into a fist motion. He then said in the pure anger he was in you want a piece of me take a shot! Knowing full well I was in the wrong declined and got a punch to the gut. I bent over to the ground not expecting it. When I looked up he was gone and that day was never spoken again.

There is no trauma or suffering in my life because of it. Out of control kids sometimes need physical discipline to get them in line before there lives go down the tubes. This attitude of all love and gentle means of raising a kid has created the very high percentage of crappy kids we have now. And the millenials with the kinds of self mental disorders we have never seen before.

Maybe none that you're consciously acknowledging but something of that nature definitely will have psychological impact, whether it is positive or negative I guess we can only leave up to you to ascribe. I'm sorry you had to experience those things because it sounds like that would be a difficult environment to grow up in, and honestly I think you were abused. Since it's in the past there is nothing I can do for you except offer my condolences.

There was no abuse. He probably smacked me three times. And it is not like he swung back his hand and put is shoulder into. It was a light smack to get my attention before he laid into me verbally. It was not that it hurt is was more humiliating for a kid like me who thought he was a bad ass at the time.

And the one and only punch well all I can say is I was getting to big for my britches. I can say my dad is and was a bad ass. But at 17 I was taller and I was in really good shape and probably out weighed him by 30 pounds. And with the competition fighting I was pretty serious into I had already had my nose broke twice and ribs cracked. So again I was thinking I was a bad ass and had ideas I could take down my own father if he tried to tell me what to do anymore. I was becoming a big dick of a kid. Best thing he ever did for me was to throw that punch which made me decide to leave home at 17 and experience the harsh realities of the real world. I was not so tough then. Being homeless at the time and having a shitty job I worked hard at and eventually gave me a career to move up into for the future which turned my life around for the better.

 

[Enter Username Here]

I dunno being a father of multiple kids, I don't find myself soft. I'll time them out, i'll raise my voice and yes, sue me... I'll give them a light tap on the hand, mouth or bum when well deserved.