How honest should you be with your kids about your past?

[Kale]

Inspired from a podcast clip I watched earlier today.



So, how honest should you be with your kids when it comes to your past? Some examples may include your history with drinking, doing drugs, smoking weed, smoking in general, etc.

 

[fuzzems]

Hmm... I don't think one's kids need to do all the details of their parents' lives. I am not sure of what benefit it would be for them. I think there are times to present some things as part of teaching them a life lesson or helping them through a time. But, I don't think there is a need for a parental confessional or accounting of everything either. I think there would need to be some educational value, etc in that sharing.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

Me and my 19 year old daughter were in the car the other day & I saw a restaurant that I “dined and dashed” at when I was a teenager & told her all about it. Did me telling her that benefit either of us in any way? No, but I shared it regardless. Oh well.

 

[Kale]

Me and my 19 year old daughter were in the car the other day & I saw a restaurant that I “dined and dashed” at when I was a teenager & told her all about it. Did me telling her that benefit either of us in any way? No, but I shared it regardless. Oh well.

Hah, yeah. Stuff like that I totally think is acceptable and at that age she could likely be told more of the "darker secrets".

 

[MrDawn]

Kids don't need to hear everything until they're adults. That's not fair to them and it causes behavioral problems. You don't want to be getting too personal. You need that adult/ child barrier. Leave adult problems between you and your lover or talk to a friend.

 

[Kale]

Kids don't need to hear everything until they're adults.

Yeah, agreed. I wasn't told some stuff till I was an adult and it's just how my parents were. I honestly do not even recall having any real discussion about anything related to sex, growing up, etc. It was all done in school. lol

 

[SpookyZalost]

My past sounds like some epic journey... so probably just tell them the tale... A tale of going through hell, being forged by it, and coming out stronger, faster, smarter. taking on enemies, defeating enemies, and learning to tell the world where to shove it and never be held back or limited by anything.

It's not all good or bad but I had great teachers and influences growing up. An uncle who taught me to handle weapons, how to accelerate out of a curve, and encouraged me to be an engineer. Another uncle that became a powerful driving force to make myself stronger as a foe. Another one that taught me kindness, and a family friend who was both irish and a viking and taught me chess and how to handle a long sword.

My mother who encouraged me to master electronics and was formerly a cybersecurity technician and grey hat hacker. A monster of a father who's family turned out to be so powerful he could get away with his evil. A pair of loving grandparents who always encouraged me to pursue whatever I wanted and to keep an open mind. A sister who went through an even worse hell but was there for me regardless. And of course the many many people I've helped on my journey taking the strength I've gained and solving problems or just listening to them and offering advice often making friends.

I really should write the whole story some day.

 

[MamaFrankie]

I don't have kids but my answer would be extremely honest so that they don't make the same mistakes.

 

[Kale]

I don't have kids but my answer would be extremely honest so that they don't make the same mistakes.

I think if they ask about something like drugs, drinking, etc then of course I'd likely explain it to them depending on age.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

The older she gets the more I'll share, I suppose.

 

[Dee]

It depends on their age and ability to understand the information being presented to them. I would share, but only when they're mature enough to comprehend.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

It depends on their age and ability to understand the information being presented to them. I would share, but only when they're mature enough to comprehend.

Do you have a lot of spicy secrets to share?

 

[Dee]

Do you have a lot of spicy secrets to share?

No, lol. Nothing too insane. Not having kids anyway, so I can just share with my cats.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

No, lol. Nothing too insane. Not having kids anyway, so I can just share with my cats.

A captive audience

 

[Dee]

A captive audience

 

[Doc Nova]

Unless you're a spy for a government agency, your past will be out there for your kid to easily learn about, especially in this day and age. It's better to be honest and talk to them about it,

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

Unless you're a spy for a government agency, your past will be out there for your kid to easily learn about, especially in this day and age. It's better to be honest and talk to them about it,

How so? Do you mean the kids stalking their parents social media? What about those who do not document their lives online?

 

[ellyfant]

I wish my parents had been more honest about themselves, I feel it would have made them more 'human' and less saintly and unapproachable. It wasn't until their later years that some of their secrets were inadvertently revealed and then they became real people to me.
Guess they were just trying to set a good example but it made me feel inadequate and as if nothing I did was good enough

 

[SpookyZalost]

I wish my parents had been more honest about themselves, I feel it would have made them more 'human' and less saintly and unapproachable. It wasn't until their later years that some of their secrets were inadvertently revealed and then they became real people to me.
Guess they were just trying to set a good example but it made me feel inadequate and as if nothing I did was good enough

My family has been mostly honest about their lives... They were literally just going on crazy adventures and stuff.

Legit my father and his father's were assholes but my father drummed out of the military, both were masons, my grandfather a 14th order one, may he burn in whatever hell he's in now. My father is now a priest... Probably trying to avoid whatever punishment he's due.

My mother was a grey hat turned cyber security researcher who was on the run trying to escape my dad.

My grandparents cut ties with their families for love, and moved out to Colorado in 1972 after both divorcing their first marriage partners. My grandfather sold shoes, cars, worked for a company called novan building solar hot water systems, and eventually worked construction and got hurt due to an accident involving a crane knocking over a wall.

My grandmother worked at ibm assembling motherboards in the 80s, then eventually worked for the public school system.

When they moved out here they lived in a tent but eventually got a house that was legit haunted.

Honestly between their adventures and then encouraging me to freely pursue whatever I wanted it kinda influenced me to have no limits, that anything is possible with enough effort.

 

[Doc Nova]

How so? Do you mean the kids stalking their parents social media? What about those who do not document their lives online?

Again, in this day and age it's rare to find people who don't have something about them online. The only ones who don't are the boomers who are, and I don't say this in a rude way, dying off. The younger generation, even people in their 50s and younger, are on social media in some form.

and yes. Kids will curiously stalk family online. Hell, I still stalk (I use this term loosely) my ex's FB out of curiosity from time to time.