PEACOCK!

[draco99]

The Peacock

With each step, I grow vain,
My rainbow unfolds in elegance.
I'm the symbol of pride and vanity!
Fanning my treasure in magnificence,
I am beauty in my surrounds,
My forest of brilliance and silkiness.
My call of distinction and pitch!
I am the touch of wonder,
Parading, as I show of my extended circular form.

Well, there's my poem...
Please comment. Lol.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

The Peacock

With each step, I grow vain,
My rainbow unfolds in elegance.
I'm the symbol of pride and vanity!
Fanning my treasure in magnificence,
I am beauty in my surrounds,
My forest of brilliance and silkiness.
My call of distinction and pitch!
I am the touch of wonder,
Parading, as I show of my extended circular form.

Sounds like an accurate and whimsical description of a peacock to me!
I seen them walking around the San Francisco zoo un-caged with the rest of the zoo's visitors. They wont let you touch them though, they are quick!

 

[Jazzy]

That's a Peacock very well described!

 

[draco99]

Yeah, Peacock's are some cool creatures.

I wrote this piece for a Creative Writing Program I did.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

Nice job Drac!

 

[draco99]

Hopefully I can write up some more pieces and put 'em here.

I hope you guys are being honest, lol.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

Why lie?

 

[draco99]

I dunno, I just don't wanna be posting crap stuff and you guys just want to say 'Sounds good!' to make me feel good about what a write.

Just saying. I can take constructive feedback.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

I dunno, I just don't wanna be posting crap stuff and you guys just want to say 'Sounds good!' to make me feel good about what a write.

Just saying. I can take constructive feedback.

Evil Eye is good for that! Hopefully he'll come around and grade you thoroughly

 

[draco99]

Oh cool.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

I'll send him a PM to come check out your latest writing's

 

[draco99]

Oh thankyou. Much appreciated Nebulous.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

Oh thankyou. Much appreciated Nebulous.

Done!

 

[draco99]

You find ould chap.

 

[Evil Eye]

It's quite good.

I'm the symbol of pride and vanity!

I'd opt for "I am" versus "I'm", to match the rest of the poem and to add some gravity.

Parading, as I show of my extended circular form.

Typo: "off" not "of".
The line's already quite long, but I think semi-circular would be more accurate.

 

[draco99]

Thanks for the reply Evil Eye

The "of" was typo.