pressure on your kids to study hard?

[Randy]

Would you put a lot of pressure on your kids to study hard? Get good grades?

Why or why not?

 

[fuzzems]

I think it's more important for kids to develop their own internal motivations to do well at what matters to them. Yes, they have to do a certain minimum amount. But if they want to excel that is really something that has to come from within.

 

[PGen98]

No, so long as they tried, that's what matters. I don't want my (hypothetical) kids to feel like studying is a bad word. They need to see the good in it, to see what it can get them in life, and hopefully that encourages them to study more and more, to learn and know things is a gift.

 

[Nebulous]

My daughter struggled with getting good grades at school. Admittedly I'd get upset with report cards came in and there would be some bad grades on there. However hooting and hollering didn't make her improve her grades. She'd get a worse one the next time if we did that. If we backed off and let her figure things out for herself they would improve a little.

 

[fuzzems]

I think parents are too involved in their children's successes or failures. Yeah you can prop up your kid but it is YOUR win not theirs and what do they learn. We need to allow our kids to FAIL at things. Failure is part of life and those are often the best lessons.

One time my 2 sons had some Christmas money. My oldest son impulsively saw some silly string. My younger son is much more methodical and bought some toy car or something. Anyway, I knew my oldest would blow off that can in about 15 sec and then have nothing for his money. But, his lesson to learn. He bought it, had the 15 sec of glee and then realized he has nothing to play with. Whereas my younger son had his toy to use. So, I could have said, no don't buy that, buy this instead, but sometimes there is far more value in the lesson than in getting the "right' thing.

Same with grades. If they fail some tests, so what? Hopefully that sparks some effort on their behalf then. If you just help and continually prop them up, be prepared to do that for a lifetime. My oldest hated school. One time when he was a teen, he said, well I will just quit doing my school work. I said, well, ok, that's your choice and I have to feed you till your 18. But, once you are 18 , i will drop you off under the nearest bridge then you can figure out your life yourself!

 

[Shawn Gossman]

Our daughter was getting Cs and Bs for a while.

I told her I'd give her $10 for every A she got with the condition that they must all be A grades. No A- either, I want full As.

She has a car now and gas isn't cheap.

She is straight A now

I try to explain to her that not everything in life will reward her for good work and that she needs to understand that which she does but I want to award her because I'm proud of the changes she has made.

 

[MrDawn]

My daughter has never struggled in school. She makes all A's and I'm very proud of her. My son on the other hand has struggled in reading, so I make him read for 2 hours every day after school and attends tutoring twice a week after school. His reading class grade has improved. He makes A's and B's. I am proud of both of my children. I hope they continue to make good grades until they are out of high school.

 

[Kale]

I feel it is important to get an education, but not to pressure them into studying hard.

 

[MrDawn]

but not to pressure them into studying hard.

As a parent, I disagree. You cannot be their friend and be their parent at the same time. You do them no favors. If you want them to be successful and get out on their own, kids need discipline and pressure to do the right thing. They're not adults meaning their moral values are not all there, they lack skills, experience and the know how. They don't always keep their priorities straight. If we just sit back and give them what they want from the time they're little to the time they're adults, they won't be able to get out on their own and deal with the real world. If you get a job, your boss is sometimes going to pressure you into finishing your work load. They may go out and get a job where their boss is a complete hard ass. They need to learn that pressure is okay and that if they're going to make ends meet one day as an adult, they have to learn how to deal with it. School is a good start. It's kind of what Wesley Snipes said:

 

[Nebulous]

One time when he was a teen, he said, well I will just quit doing my school work. I said, well, ok, that's your choice and I have to feed you till your 18. But, once you are 18 , i will drop you off under the nearest bridge then you can figure out your life yourself!

Thats what my mom did to me! ...Well kind of. One day I came home (a short while after turning 18) and all my stuff was packed up and sitting by the back door. She told me I could sleep on the couch for a week and then she's changing the locks (and I didn't live there any more). I did have a full time job at the time so went and got an apartment. It was so easy to rent a place back then on a retail job salary. Can't say an 18 year old could do that now, at least not around here and not without 5 roommates.

 

[fuzzems]

I think too many parents get hung up on the "straight A's" thing. If someone is getting straight As how challenging is the material really? I think there has been a lot of grade hyperinflation in High Schools because in reality it keeps parents off the backs of the teachers and out of the Principals office. I think we should want our kids to struggle and wrestle with concepts at time. There is value in struggling, wrestling, working, trying to grasp the topic, subject in a deeper way. Yes, if a child is struggling with every class then that child may need to be placed on a different track. But, if you kid excells in Biology and then has to struggle in English or Math, they are learning to work and perservere. And i remember taking organic chem in college and I struggled and struggled and studied and struggled, then one day it clicked. And then I "got" it. But, had I not been forced to struggle , i would never have understood it in a deeper way.

 

[fuzzems]

As a parent, I disagree. You cannot be their friend and be their parent at the same time. You do them no favors. If you want them to be successful and get out on their own, kids need discipline and pressure to do the right thing. They're not adults meaning their moral values are not all there, they lack skills, experience and the know how. They don't always keep their priorities straight. If we just sit back and give them what they want from the time they're little to the time they're adults, they won't be able to get out on their own and deal with the real world. If you get a job, your boss is sometimes going to pressure you into finishing your work load. They may go out and get a job where their boss is a complete hard ass. They need to learn that pressure is okay and that if they're going to make ends meet one day as an adult, they have to learn how to deal with it. School is a good start. It's kind of what Wesley Snipes said:

I agree with both you. I don't think it is my job to constantly pressure my kids. My parents didnt' pressure me. My parents weren't signing my homework or doing my homework with me. They never reminded me, checked a computer or any of that. It was MY work and MY responsibility. Parents are overly involved now in many ways which has removed the responsibility and also the pride of it from the kids.

I told my kids it is YOUR homework, not mine. I will help when needed but I am not going to sit at the table to do your work with you. That's your job.

And if they wanted to do well, the pressure to succeed was in their court or not. If they phoned it in and got average or below average grades, those were their grades to live with. So I don't think we overly pressured them.

And, also if they got a "mean teacher", I said, well you might have a mean boss or mean coworker someday so you have to just go in and do your best and not going to change your classes. Now of course if there was some real issue , then yes. But, not liking a teacher who was stern, disciplined or the tone of their voice, well, they need to deal with that and not all teachers are warm and fuzzy nor should they be.

 

[Nebulous]

And, also if they got a "mean teacher", I said, well you might have a mean boss or mean coworker someday so you have to just go in and do your best and not going to change your classes. Now of course if there was some real issue , then yes. But, not liking a teacher who was stern, disciplined or the tone of their voice, well, they need to deal with that and not all teachers are warm and fuzzy nor should they be.

Nowadays if a kid is failing its the teacher's fault, not the child's. I have a teacher in my family and he's told me about how parents come down there and hoot and holler every time their kid doesn't get an A. Its everyone else's fault except the child.

 

[MrDawn]

Nowadays if a kid is failing its the teacher's fault, not the child's. I have a teacher in my family and he's told me about how parents come down there and hoot and holler every time their kid doesn't get an A. Its everyone else's fault except the child.

lol some kids are not good at or simply can't retain the required maths like algebra & geometry. Why should those be a requirement in a majority of high schools? Most kids aren't going off to join NASA. Most people don't use those maths outside of school. I think they should lay off on it.

 

[PGen98]

lol some kids are not good at or simply can't retain the required maths like algebra & geometry. Why should those be a requirement in a majority of high schools? Most kids aren't going off to join NASA. Most people don't use those maths outside of school. I think they should lay off on it.

Should be teaching more life skills, anyway. How to budget, basic first aid, how to file taxes, how to write a proper resume, etc. Would be more useful than math, unless you want to actually learn math, then by all means learn math.

 

[Nebulous]

Should be teaching more life skills, anyway. How to budget, basic first aid, how to file taxes, how to write a proper resume, etc. Would be more useful than math, unless you want to actually learn math, then by all means learn math.

I had classes that covered all those things.

 

[PGen98]

I had classes that covered all those things.

I wasn't offered anything even remotely close. Granted, Phoenix schools aren't exactly great

 

[Nebulous]

I wasn't offered anything even remotely close. Granted, Phoenix schools aren't exactly great

Whats odd is we mostly covered those topics in middle school, when you're 4 or 5 years away from being an adult.

 

[PGen98]

Whats odd is we mostly covered those topics in middle school, when you're 4 or 5 years away from being an adult.

Yeah, that should be most of your high school career, general life skills plus focusing on an area that interests you. Should be finished with basic history classes and sciences and so on by then, and only pursuing them if they interest you. Not learning life skills before you can really use them. It's a little pointless because you won't retain that knowledge through high school since it will be "stupid" to kids of that age.

 

[Nebulous]

It's a little pointless because you won't retain that knowledge through high school since it will be "stupid" to kids of that age.

To some but I am sure it would be useful to others at the same time. Not every teenager is a in-one-ear-out-the-other type of person.