To carry out this experiment, I would need tootsie roll pops. I procured $1.00 from the Emptyv coffers and made my way down to the local convenience store. I purchased three lollipops, cherry flavor, at 15 cents a piece and, with tax, the total came to 48 cents. Feeling altruistic, I donated two quarters to a young boy named David suffering from leukemia and threw my 2 remaining pennies into the ?take a penny, leave a penny? jar. I then made my way back to the Emptyv offices.
Upon my return, I enlisted the aid of Dr. Shin to help me with this experiment. He objected vehemently, but, in the end, acquiesced. I handed him a lollipop, took one myself and began the experiment. The process and results follow...
Trial 1: Dr. Shin took his tootsie roll pop and eyed it skeptically before opening it. After a few cursory licks, he went at the sucker with unmatched vigor. He called out his lick count periodically-45, 86, 139, 176, 221, 330, ?I think.? At lick 376, Dr. Shin stopped, experiencing distinct tootsie flavor. Upon closer inspection, no tootsie had been reached, so the licking resumed. At 8:43,
he reached the tootsie roll center of his tootsie pop at an astounding 457 licks.
Trial 2: Giving the doctor a cool down period, I approached my licking with much less excitement. I unwrapped the revolting red mess and began licking, quite slowly. I went about my task as diligently as possible, paying little attention to Dr. Shin?s comments of ?the little baby is going to vomit!? It went well at first, the taste nothing more than that of a cherry sucker. At lick 411, I tasted the vile mixture of tootsie and lollipop, but, ?in the name of science, dammit,? I carried on. At lick 467, 11:21 after beginning, I reached the center of my tootsie roll pop.
At this point, an argument ensued as to who would get the last tootsie roll pop. Dr. Shin wanted me to lick this one- he enjoyed the expression of disgust that was plastered to my face as I licked. ?You?re the damn stupidest looking, world?s smartest man I?ve ever seen.? I, on the other hand, tried to explain that, as my confederate, he had certain obligations that I did not: mainly more licking, because I had to prepare the report. Neither of us was successful in forcing the other to lick, so, using a quarter of my own, I went down to the convenience store and bought another tootsie roll pop. We would both lick one more.
Trial 3: I had had enough of the damned tootsie roll pops and wanted to get through this one as fast as possible. I closed my eyes and licked like I had never licked before. Before I knew it, 6:21 had passed, and I had licked the tootsie roll pop 314 times and had reached the center.
Trial 4: Dr. Shin began his tootsie licking with the same enthusiasm as before. At lick 98, he complained of a bursting bladder and had to relieve himself. I let him go, but only if he continued licking. He agreed and away he went. A few minutes later, looking quite forlorn, he exited the bathroom. He had dropped his tootsie roll pop right into the toilet. I would have to make due with the three trials. Unfortunately, gullible, ignorant me did not realize the ruse for what it was. I woke up the next morning, a tootsie roll pop intertwined with strands of my hair, thoroughly stuck. ?Dr. Shin never gets outlicked by no man!? was scrawled on an old piece of cardboard in red crayola. The doctor was no where to be found. I now have a bald spot above my right ear, having to have removed the sucker with scissors. Peanut butter and mayonnaise failed me.
Results
Here follow the results. The average number of licks to reach the tootsie roll center of the tootsie pop was 412.7 but, since you cannot have a partial lick, round up to 413. The average time was 8 minutes, 48 seconds. So, you could say, it takes 413 licks to reach the center of a tootsie roll pop. But that would be ignoring other variables that may decrease or increase this number of licks.
We could divide these into personal factors related to the licker and external factors of the environment. Personal factors include things lick the pH level of the saliva. In our study, both testers could be said to have fairly acidic spit, mine from rising bile, Dr. Shin?s from his constant whiskey intake. This could certainly decrease the number of licks. Other things may include coarseness of tongue, pressure applied to each lick, and pace of licking. Some environmental factors include things lick the distance from the outside of the lollipop to its tootsie roll center. In trial 3, the center was much easier to reach, being roughly 5 mm closer to the surface. Temperature and humidity levels should also be taken into consideration.
So, how many licks does it take to reach the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop? In future conversation, you may use the following phrase when asked this very question- ?Emptyv research carried out by Miah and Dr. Shin indicates an average of 413 licks. Visit them at
www.emptyv.org!? Last sentence must be an exclamatory. Thank you. Now, I am going to induce vomiting
