Sick burns!

[Nebulous]

Here's some "sick burns" I found. I'll put them in a spoiler because there's some offensive language, don't open if you don't like that kind of stuff.

Spoiler

Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/lorenzo-...k-burns-the-100-greatest-insults-of-all-time/

1.​

You’re my favorite person besides every other person I’ve ever met.

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2.​

No offense, but you make me want to staple my cunt shut.

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3.​

Did your parents have any children that lived?

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4.​

I envy people who have never met you.

AD

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5.​

Maybe if you eat all that makeup you will be beautiful on the inside.

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6.​

You’re kinda like Rapunzel except instead of letting down your hair, you let down everyone in your life.

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7.​

You’re impossible to underestimate.

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8.​

You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die.

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9.​

I’ll plant a mango tree in your mother’s cunt and fuck your sister in its shade.

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10.​

Those aren’t acne scars, those are marks from the coat hanger.

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11.​

You have more dick in your personality than you do in your pants.

AD

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12.​

If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.

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13.​

You look like your father would be disappointed in you if he stayed.

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14.​

You’re not pretty enough to be that dumb.

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15.​

Your mother fucks for bricks so she can build your sister a whorehouse.

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16.​

I’m sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

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17.​

AD
You were birthed out your mother’s ass because her cunt was too busy.

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18.​

You’re so stupid you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel.

AD

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19.​

Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.

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20.​

Such a shame your mother didn’t swallow you.

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21.​

The best part of you ran down your mom’s leg.

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22.​

You couldn’t organize a blowjob if you were in a Nevada brothel with a pocket full of hundred-dollar bills.

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23.​

AD

You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.

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24.​

Does your ass ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?

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25.​

People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.

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26.​

You’re so dense, light bends around you.

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27.​

I’d love to stay and chat but I’d rather have type-2 diabetes.

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28.​

You should put a condom on your head, because if you’re going to act like a dick you better dress like one, too.

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29.​

AD

I bet you swim with a T-shirt on.

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30.​

How the fuck are you the sperm that won?

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31.​

May your balls turn square and fester at the corners.

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32.​

I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.

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33.​

If you were a potato you’d be a stupid potato.

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34.​

Your face looks like it was set on fire and put out with chains.

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35.​

AD

You might want to get a colonoscopy for all that butthurt.

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36.​

Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant.

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37.​

You are so ugly that when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.

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38.​

You look like two pounds of shit in a one-pound bag.

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39.​

Ready to fail like your dad’s condom?

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40.​

I’d call you a cunt, but you have neither the warmth or the depth.

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41.​

AD
If I wanted to commit suicide I’d climb to your ego and jump to your IQ.

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42.​

You make me wish I had more middle fingers.

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43.​

If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.

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44.​

Everyone that has ever said they love you was wrong.

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45.​

You have the charm and charisma of a burning orphanage.

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46.​

If there was a single intelligent thought in your head it would have died from loneliness.

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47.​

AD
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

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48.​

The only difference between you and Hitler is Hitler knew when to kill himself.

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49.​

You’re dumber than I tell people.

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50.​

I hope you have beautiful children and that they all get cancer.

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51.​

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

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52.​

For years your mother and I wanted kids. Imagine our disappointment when you came along.

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53.​

AD
Your face is so oily that I’m surprised America hasn’t invaded yet.

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54.​

Your father should’ve wiped you on the sheets.

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55.​

If I wanted any shit out of you I’d take my dick out of your ass.

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56.​

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

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57.​

You’re the reason you mom swallows now.

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58.​

How did you crawl out of the abortion bucket?

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59.​

AD
If the road were paved with dicks, your mother would walk on her ass.

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60.​

You are the stone in the shoes of humanity.

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61.​

You could fuck up a wet dream.

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62.​

You’re not as dumb as you look.

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63.​

Son, anyone who would fuck you ain’t worth fucking.

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64.​

This is why everyone talks about you as soon as you leave the room.

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65.​

The smartest thing that ever came out of your mouth was my dick.

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66.​

You know, people were right about you.

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67.​

You’ve got a great body. Too bad there’s no workout routine for a face.

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68.​

If you could suck your own dick then you would finally suck at everything.

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69.​

I want you to be the pallbearer at my funeral so you can let me down one last time.

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70.​

Don’t make me have to smack the extra chromosome out of you.

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71.​

AD
You’ve gotta be two people, because no single person can be that stupid.

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72.​

If you were any dumber, someone would have to water you twice a week.

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73.​

You’ll never be half the man your mother was.

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74.​

If you were on fire and I had a cup of my own piss, I’d drink it.

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75.​

I’ve forgotten more than you know.

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76.​

You smell like you wipe back to front.

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77.​

AD
I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

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78.​

Shut your mouth, I can smell your Dad’s cock.

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79.​

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

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80.​

How do you even masturbate knowing whose dick you’re touching?

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81.​

You are the human embodiment of an eight-dollar haircut.

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82.​

The only thing that will ever fuck you is life.

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83.​

AD
You suck dick at fucking pussy.

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84.​

If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid. I can’t forget that day.

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85.​

You look like a bag of mashed-up assholes.

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86.​

You’re a huge bag of tiny cocks.

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87.​

You’re so inbred you’re a sandwich.

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88.​

In a country where anyone can be anything, I will never understand why you chose to be mediocre.

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89.​

What’s a girl like you doing at a nice place like this?

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90.​

You’re about as important as a white crayon.

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91.​

Was your mother just in the bathroom? Because she forgot to flush your twin.

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92.​

If my dog had a face like you, I’d paint his ass and teach him to walk backwards.

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93.​

If your parents were to divorce, would they still be brother and sister?

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94.​

You look like the kind of person that buys condoms on his way to a family reunion.

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95.​

AD
People will not only remember your death, they will celebrate it.

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96.​

You are a shit stain on the underpants of society.

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97.​

You look like you were poured into your clothes but someone forgot to say when to stop.

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98.​

You’re about as useful as tits on a pigeon.

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99.​

Why are you playing hard to get when you’re so hard to want?

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100.​

I’d offer you a shit sandwich, but I hear you don’t like bread.

Feel free to post some of your own sick burns

 

[Webster]

--What's the difference between Paris, the City and Paris Hilton?
--Paris, the City, is a beautiful place filled to the brim with people. Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is an ugly place filled to the brim with people.

 

[Nebulous]

--What's the difference between Paris, the City and Paris Hilton?
--Paris, the City, is a beautiful place filled to the brim with people. Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is an ugly place filled to the brim with people.

Good ones!

 

[Draconis]

I want to see Butterfly Effect again. hehe

 

[Webster]

Q: What's the difference between Joe Biden & Donald Trump?
A: Biden might be off his damn rocker but he didn't shat his pants on the links like Trump did once.

 

[Nebulous]

I want to see Butterfly Effect again. hehe

You could probably find it on that site I PM'ed you for movies.

Q: What's the difference between Joe Biden & Donald Trump?
A: Biden might be off his damn rocker but he didn't shat his pants on the links like Trump did once.

They're both off their rockers.

 

[Draconis]

You could probably find it on that site I PM'ed you for movies.

Coolness! Can you watch those on a Smart TV?

 

[Nebulous]

Coolness! Can you watch those on a Smart TV?

Doubt it, unless you hooked your laptop/computer up to your tv.

 

[Webster]

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One's a bottom-feeding shit sucker. The other's a fish.

 

[Nebulous]

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One's a bottom-feeding shit sucker. The other's a fish.

Lol true, but lawyers have way more money than you or I!