Sick Cat

[Kasynlie]

My cat has thrown up on my bed!

I have no idea how long it's been there for.... and what makes it worse is that it was there when I got out of bed. I had been sleeping with cat vomit on top of me.



So I threw my duvet in the wash and that's when I noticed that the vomit had also managed to spill down the side of the wall and onto the floor... carpet and wall has now been cleaned... and the window in my room is wide open to take the smell away.



That's the last time I EVER let my cat sleep in my room again.

 

[Howard]

I'm going to try very hard to resist the jokes.



I hope your cat is soon better.

 

[Kasynlie]

I'm going to try very hard to resist the jokes.

C'mon Howard. Let me hear them. I need something to cheer me up.

 

[Howard]

Ok.



How To Clean A Cat



1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.



2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.



3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.



4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.



Note: You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.



CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body

too close to the edge, as his paws will be

reaching out for any surface they can find.



5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a power wash and rinse which I have found to be quite effective.



6. Have someone to open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.



7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.



8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.



Why Cats are Better than Men



1. A cat always comes in SOBER after being out all night.



2. When a cat goes to the toilet she tries not to leave a trace.



3. You can put a bell around a cat's neck so you know exactly where she is.



4. If you stroke a cat she won't leap on you for sex.



5. You don't mind that much if a cat brings a bird home every night.



6. When a cat comes in at midnight it doesn't wake you up by smashing into the furniture.



7. Cats never pretend they know how to fix the video.



8. Cats don't care what size your boobs are.



9. Cats still love you even when your perm goes wrong.



10. Cats love rubbing up to your legs however much cellulite you have.



11. Cats can be neutered if they stray.



12. If a cat jumps into your lap, a little light petting will satisfy her.



13. It's okay if a cat rubs up against your best friend.



14. If you ask enough times, a cat may actually listen to you.



15. You never have to spend time with your cat's mother.



16. Better chance of training a cat.



17. Cats are cute.



18. A cat is never late for dinner.



19. Cats love to see you come home from shopping with lots of bags!



20. You'll never get a call from you cat's ex-wife.



21. A cat would never leave you for a younger women.



22. Cats treat your mom with respect.



23. Cats don't worry about hair loss.



24. I feels nice to stroke a cats soft, fluffy fur.



25. A cat's friend is less likely to be annoying.



26. Cats can't show love without meaning it.



27. To buy a fancy dinner for a cat only costs 40p



28. Cats actually think with their heads.



29. Unlike a man, a cat can fend for itself.



30. It is legal in all states to neuter a cat.



31. Cats comfort you when you are sick.



32. When a cat sleeps all day it's natural, not annoying.



What is a Cat?



1. Cats do what they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable.

4. They whine when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8. They're moody.

9. They leave hair everywhere.

10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.



Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.



CAT COMMANDMENTS >^,,^<



1. Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.

2. Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

3. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off of the roll.

4. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor, as thou art not transparent.

5. Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

6. Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

7. Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

8. Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap region.

9. Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.

10. Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

11. Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou will fall in and trap thy self.

12. Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat, just as thy human is sitting down.

13. Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 am.

14. Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

15. Thou shalt not trip thy human even if they are walking too slow.

16. Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in the house.

17. Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

18. Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

19. Thou shalt not be sick in Kasynlie's bed or down the wall or on the carpet.

20. You must not lick Kasynlie's face after being sick.

 

[Kasynlie]

Those are really good Howard. Where did you find them?

CAT COMMANDMENTS >^,,^<



1. Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.

2. Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

3. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off of the roll.

4. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor, as thou art not transparent.

5. Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

6. Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

7. Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

8. Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap region.

9. Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.

10. Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

11. Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou will fall in and trap thy self.

12. Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat, just as thy human is sitting down.

13. Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 am.

14. Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

15. Thou shalt not trip thy human even if they are walking too slow.

16. Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in the house.

17. Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

18. Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

19. Thou shalt not be sick in Kasynlie's bed or down the wall or on the carpet.

20. You must not lick Kasynlie's face after being sick.

All those in green are what my cat has done/does. #20, luckily has not yet happened and I don't wish it to either.

 

[Howard]

I found them all HERE mate.



Obviously, in the cat commandments I added 19 and 20 myself lol.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

carpet and wall has now been cleaned...

Well, start cleaning.

 

[Kasynlie]

[quote name='Kasynlie']carpet and wall has now been cleaned...

Well, start cleaning.[/quote]Nothing has to be cleaned anymore. What a mess it was.

http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

Oh I read it as now has to be cleaned I see now that it says has now been cleaned

I thought you left cat vomit on your walls and floor while posting this here.

 

[Kasynlie]

No I didn't leave it there. I think the vomit take priority over letting you guys know.

 

[Jazzy]

This is the exact reason I do not allow my pets on my bed

All joking aside, I hope the cat is feeling okay.

 

[Kasynlie]

Yea. The cat is no longer allowed in my room if I'm not in there or asleep.

 

[Howard]

No I didn't leave it there. I think the vomit take priority over letting you guys know.

You big meanie. You should've let us know first lol.

Yea. The cat is no longer allowed in my room if I'm not in there or asleep.

The cat shouldn't be allowed in your room period, especially when you're asleep. Next time it could puke on you yuk.



The only pussy allowed in my room has two legs and don't meow.

 

[Kasynlie]

[quote name='Kasynlie']Yea. The cat is no longer allowed in my room if I'm not in there or asleep.

The cat shouldn't be allowed in your room period, especially when you're asleep. Next time it could puke on you yuk.[/quote]It makes me feel bad if I don't give the cat any internal freedoms.

The only pussy allowed in my room has two legs and don't meow.

 

[Howard]

It makes me feel bad if I don't give the cat any internal freedoms.

I almost thought you said something else then lmao.



However, I do know what you mean and I can understand it.



Hopefully kitty won't be sick no more.

 

[Kasynlie]

Fingers crossed.

 

[Jazzy]

My cat has done this before and it was the type of wet food I gave her. Once I changed her food, she's never done it again.

 

[Kasynlie]

She's being fed the same thing for ages without a problem, so I doubt it's the food. I thinking she's hunted something down and eaten it and its caused her sickness.

 

[Jazzy]

She's being fed the same thing for ages without a problem, so I doubt it's the food. I thinking she's hunted something down and eaten it and its caused her sickness.

I bet you are right on that Kas. I didn't realize your cat went outside as mine is an indoor cat.

 

[Evil Eye]

Can you still smell it?