Stupid Government

[Raven]

About 3 years ago my mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, My disabled (Paralyzed from the waist down & his left arm and also a head injury) stepdad was then taken into a nursing home as neither me or my mum could look after him.



Well 3 years on the government have decided to put him up for review (based on his good behaviour - ie. he has calmed down and hasn't had a temper tantrum in a while) and cut his residential funding meaning that he might have to come back home.



My mum only stays here 2 days a week. The hoists will have to be re fitted as we had them all removed because it was a permanent move to place him into care.

I had moved into Nigels old room about 4 months ago, so now I look like I will have to move back.

Me and my mum wouldn't know where to start looking after him again after all this time! These people don't seem to realise this, It's just like if you don't find £1000 a month he has to come back

I mean basing a severly disabled man on good behaviour!? WTF!

 

[Jazzy]

About 3 years ago my mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, My disabled (Paralyzed from the waist down & his left arm and also a head injury) stepdad was then taken into a nursing home as neither me or my mum could look after him.

If 3 years ago neither you or your mum could provide care, what makes them think you can now?

Well 3 years on the government have decided to put him up for review (based on his good behaviour - ie. he has calmed down and hasn't had a temper tantrum in a while) and cut his residential funding meaning that he might have to come back home.

Confused on this.

Is he or was he violent at some point? Can you and your mum appeal this decision to allow him to come back home?

 

[DrLeftover]

Government Health Care Panels.



Get used to them.

 

[Raven]

If 3 years ago neither you or your mum could provide care, what makes them think you can now?



Confused on this.

Is he or was he violent at some point? Can you and your mum appeal this decision to allow him to come back home?

They don't think that is the problem

He would rant and rave all the time. He couldn't really be violent :/ I think we have to wait a few months for the final decision, but the extremely rude woman in the nursing home said it's likely that the government won't pay anymore... He will still get his NHS care paid for but not his residence.

It's just a waiting game now.

 

[Rapunzel]

Years ago I knew a lady in a very similar situation. She loved her husband dearly but wasn't able to care for him physically or financially. She found that the only way he could continue to be cared for in a care home was for her to divorce him. She desperately didn't want to do that as she felt it gave the message that she no longer loved or cared for him. But in the end she had no choice. She also had severe health problems and simply couldn't manage to care for him physically or financially. She had no choice but to divorce him. She was still able to visit him afterwards and he continued to be cared for in an appropriate place. The only difference was that legally she was no longer responsible for him. It's not a great choice but maybe your mum could consider the option. Although she may initially reject the idea, once you plant the seed, the idea may then grow. Wishing you the best of luck in a difficult situation. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Jazzy]

Divorce is a very good idea Rapunzel but wondering how long that would take. I know here in the US, it can take forever to happen. Plus, wouldn't it look kind of strange that all of a sudden mum wants to divorce this man? This is, indeed, a very sad situation for all involved. The stepdad needs care that Fullmoon and her mum are not qualified to provide. Maybe the loophole here is that Fullmoon and her mum no longer live in the same home together. They each have separate living quarters. What are they going to do, make this stepdad go from one house to the other? Ugh..this so angers me as this is simply not fair to anyone involved. I hope there can be an appeal made, divorce or whatever it takes to keep stepdad in a facility where he gets the medical attention he needs.

 

[Rapunzel]

I agree with you Jazzy, it is a very difficult and sad situation. I know the divorce scenario will take ages but if the paperwork is started then that could put the brakes on him coming home. Fullmoon, have you talked to the Citizens Advice Bureau? They should be able to give you some guidance.

 

[Raven]

No I haven't I only found out yesterday.



I doubt very much that mum would even consider divorcing my stepdad.

 

[Nebulous's iconNebulous]

Years ago I knew a lady in a very similar situation. She loved her husband dearly but wasn't able to care for him physically or financially. She found that the only way he could continue to be cared for in a care home was for her to divorce him. She desperately didn't want to do that as she felt it gave the message that she no longer loved or cared for him. But in the end she had no choice. She also had severe health problems and simply couldn't manage to care for him physically or financially. She had no choice but to divorce him. She was still able to visit him afterwards and he continued to be cared for in an appropriate place. The only difference was that legally she was no longer responsible for him. It's not a great choice but maybe your mum could consider the option. Although she may initially reject the idea, once you plant the seed, the idea may then grow. Wishing you the best of luck in a difficult situation. Let us know how it goes.

So if they arent married then the govt. will fund his care?

 

[Rapunzel]

So if they arent married then the govt. will fund his care?

Yes, but they bleed you dry first. If you have any money or a house or any assets they will make you sell everything you possess and live on the proceeds until it is all gone, THEN they will pay for your care.



So if an old couple work all their lives in order to leave something to their children, and then find they have to go into care, the government will make them sell all their assets to pay for their care home, until the money is all gone. The government also check how fast you spend it. If, say, you sell your house for 100,000 pounds and your care costs 1,000 pounds per month, the government will not pay for your care for 100 months. If you spend all your money on gifts for your children, the government won't care. They won't pay you any earlier.



If their house is in the mothers name, she should be okay. However, if it is in joint names she may have to put half the value of the house towards his care. Tbh I really don't know. Fullmoon REALLY needs to get advice from CAB.

 

[Raven]

Well the house is in both my mums and my stepdads name.



My stepdad gets a war pension as he was in the RAF. But even so we arent well off enough to pay £200 a week for his residence.



Unfortunatly I know nothing of finance.. :/ I don't even know where to begin and to be honest the whole thing scares the **** out of me.

 

[Raven]

AND! Sounds like we are going to be having a massive bill through because the government have cocked up something to do with the motorbility car :/



Not sure what exactly has happened, just hearing mum ranting and raving about it in the next room :/



EDIT: Ok I have just found out that because Nigel is fully funded we can't have the car anymore whilst he is in care. :/ But we have always been told that if we use the car because of nigel (Ie. Going to see him in his residence) we are allowed it.



So now it looks like if Nigel does stay in the care home then we have to take the car back AND pay back £2,500

So now that is £3,500 we have to magic up from somewhere.

And apparently we should never had applied for the car, but we never knew this and technically the person who let us have the car on motorbility for 3 years shouldn't have let us have the car!



My mum has only just found this out by looking in a library book to read up on appealing the original problem.



What a ****ing MESS!!

 

[Jazzy]

Is there not a place you can go for legal advice to appeal this?

 

[Raven]

I don't know, that is what mum has been looking up.

 

[Jazzy]

There has to be some place to help all of you. I hope your mum finds one soon. This has to be taking an emotional toll on everyone invloved. Just keep ranting so we can at least give you some support.

 

[Raven]

Well here is a relief. Mum dug out yet another book which clearly states that if a disabled person has a war pension then the motorbility car will be funded. So looks like we can keep the car. Now it is just back to the residence issue.



Mum has been talking to her solicitor and will be getting in touch with the CAB.

 

[Jazzy]

The car is a relief to hear. Now if the residence can just be sorted, that would be great!

 

[Raven]

Well the assessment was today and guess what.. He failed. He is coming home (don't know when yet)



Just been told I have to move back to the smaller room or move out. And when he comes home I HAVE to sell my mini, because mum WANTS a campervan. If I move out I don't see what difference my car makes!

 

[Jazzy]

And when he comes home I HAVE to sell my mini, because mum WANTS a campervan. If I move out I don't see what difference my car makes!

What ever happened to this?

Mum dug out yet another book which clearly states that if a disabled person has a war pension then the motorbility car will be funded.

 

[Raven]

The mini is my car, not the motobility car, They will still have that.



I was just pointing out the freakin' cheek! The campervan would go on my insurance... actually will look up in a minute how much that would actually cost, and I would have to look after it. Mum has just said 'well you don't look after the mini properly' My reply was 'so who the hell is going to look after a VW campervan?!?!' ME!!



Lovely woman just told me to f*** off too