The Dilemma of A Novelist

[James]

Well, I'm not enjoying writing as of now. At first I had a dilemma of either making it more serious or keeping it the way it is. So I began rewriting it to sound more serious and revised the beginning to be more action-y.(Cutting out some useless filler too.)Not to mention that rewriting it could allow me to shock a reader more by keeping a real-life event that occurs, well... more realistic. But now in the middle of rewriting, I feel wrong, as that while I'm writing my novel from a female perspective(unusual for a guy like me, especially since I learned about women from anime,television and games. A youth group my late mother made me join once exposed me to actual girls.), it's sounding a bit well.. girlish..(at least it's not too far in the draft yet. I originally wrote 6 chapters and I'm rewriting parts of it or cutting unnecessary filler.)



But I'm also trying to avoid creating cookie-cutter characters, rather I'm trying to create likable characters with backstories and such, not to mention having well-paced and good character development.

In part, I'm trying to make a work that can be looked upon on as adult fiction(without ridiculous amounts of gore and sex) I'll be experimenting with horror elements too, even before I write my more horror-oriented Reaper's Symphony series in the future.



Anyways here's some excerpts showing what I'm talking about:

Excerpt #1(This where I firxt thought that the dialogue was starting to become a bit too feminine.):

Spoiler

“Well that’s good to know. However, I’ve got to resume an investigation, although if you’d like to Erikku, you can help out.” E says, giving me a wink. The receptionist girl grabs me from behind, placing her arms on my shoulders. Wincing back, I see a grin on her face. “Looks like someone is going on a date.” she says, before the brunette interjects, “Don’t be so ridiculous, Madeline. I don’t even think E would see Erikku in that light.”

Madeline gives a chilling glare and remarks, “You’ve always got to ruin everyone’s hope and dreams, Yumi.” The girl in question shrugs off the remark, “Whatever. I have some business to attend to.” After Yumi leaves the room, I try asking Madeline a question, “Well... I want to... erm.” Madeline gives me a quizzical look Why am I so nervous? Okay. All you have to is ask her where E’s work area is and then you’ll be golden. “Well...” I mutter. “Yes?” Madeline replies.



“I want to know where E’s work area is.” I blurt out. After hearing that, Madeline has a big grin on her face. “W-Why are you smiling?” I ask. “Oh nothing.*giggle*” she replies. After that awkward moment, Madeline helps me find E’s work area. Madeline stops at a door that has a poster of a anime girl in a bikini ,now I feel a bit suspicious about this guy. Madeline then opens the door and gestures for me to go inside. What may lie inside the lair of this mysterious “E”?

and here's another excerpt(and this one sounds a bit feminine, although possibly more tomboy-ish(which I can live with.).):

Spoiler

“I’m here on behalf of the “Serafuku Destruction” organization.” the girl says, unfazed by my complaint. After hearing the name, the room goes silent for a moment, wait a minute... I’ve heard that name before.



With the long silence, the girl has a quizzical expression on her face, “I know that name may strike you as odd, but allow me to introduce myself. I am Rin. I am here because the leader has shown a particular interest in you.”



Why is she acting so formal? It feels... forced in my opinion. Curious about the issue, I ask, “Okay… so some guy has shown an interest in me. Care to explain why?”. Rin looks down at the floor nervously for a moment, “I don’t really know why the leader has shown an uncanny interest in you. I was just sent here” she explains.



“Well this “leader” guy must be quite a dumbass then.” I mutter. “I didn’t quite catch that. Could you repeat it for me again?” Rin asks with a quizzical expression on her face.

“Oh, it’s nothing you should worry about, eh heh heh” I remark, patting her on the back a few times. But then she suddenly jumps, like she remembered something, “Oh! By the way, here’s your uniform.” Rin says, handing me a “serafuku”



At the sight of the uniform, I ponder over the issue, whilst investigating the uniform, Why the leader of this organization has chosen this for a uniform I’ll never really know. Could he or she be some sort of rabid anime fan? The skirt is too short and it looks smaller than my typical clothes size. Putting that asides, why the weird name? Looking over at Rin, I ponder over the issue once again. However I don’t want to disappoint this girl, as she doesn’t look a type of person you’d want to upset.



However, she seems to be quite skittish... I can’t let anyone or anything harm her. Or else this “leader” may be ticked off at my negligence. I don’t want that to happen on my first day. During the short silence, Rin has a quizzical expression on her face. “Yes?” she says, aware that I’m staring at her.



“Well, that doesn’t really matter, I guess. Just let me change into my “uniform” and then we should be ready to go.” I say to her, before I head into the changing room.

This girl... I feel like I’ve seen her before, but more importantly, why I am a person of interest to this “leader”?





Distracted by my thoughts, I slip and fall on my ass. Concerned, I hear Rin shout, “Is everything alright in there, Tanaka-chan?”

“Tanaka”... I never really liked my last name, because it didn’t fit well with my English name of “Annabelle”. My parents obviously weren’t thinking straight when they gave me that name. Rin seems to be of Japanese descent like me, which fuels my assumption that the “leader” has got to be some sort of creep.



Focusing on the issue at hand, I causally remark “Oh nothing, I just tripped and fell, you don’t need to...” I try to say, until my sentence is cut off. I’m about to put my shirt on, when I see Rin staring at me, with her face literally beaming red.

She soon points her finger at something, but then my face also turns red, when I realize that she’s pointing at my breasts.

“I never knew you were so plentiful in that area, Tanaka-chan!” Rin remarks inappropriately.

“Scram, you little pervert” I remark. Rin backs away and runs outside of the changing room, without saying a word.

The mysteries of the average teenage girl... why couldn’t they have sent someone more experienced to take care of business?

Amid the pointless scuffle, I get my uniform on and exit out of the changing room.

In the “bedroom” of the hotel suite, I see Rin on the bed I slept on, holding a plush toy.

“Is that your plush toy right there? Looks a bit odd...what is it exactly?” I say.



“It’s a catfish” Rin says.

A catfish... what a weird animal to make a plush toy out of, but it’s not my business.



Rin looks at me and tells me a story, “My mother bought for me before she died, when I was little. My mother told that if I ever felt afraid or nervous, to hug my plush catfish. I never really considered doing that as a little kid, as I played with action figures, which you would think was odd for a little girl... but when my mom died, I hugged that plush catfish through the whole day and even brought with me to the funeral. Ever since, I always have Mr. Catfish with me to comfort me, when I’m afraid...” Rin tells me.



I try hard not to shed a tear from her tale, but after she gives a little grin, and unable to resist her cute grin, I give her a hug. I start getting my stuff packed up, although Rin has that quizzical expression on her face again. Rin remarks, “We’ve still got a little time. No need to rush.”. “I think it’s better to be early anyways.” I remarks, as we exit out of the hotel suite

The excerpts are my property, since I'm the one writing this novel. I'm only posting these up for debate and opinion.

 

[DrLeftover]

From my experience rewriting anything and changing the voice or the point of view sucks the life out of it.



Editing to correct crap, suggestions made by an editor, and all that aside, once a story begins to be told a certain way, stick to it, or it will die on the vine.



EXAMPLE:



I was asked to re-write Power (link to Kindle edition available upon request) to PG-13.



I tried.



The story that was told, was listless. It was words on the page.



The original, while 'hot' in places and 'terrifying' in others, drew you in and you lived those times with those people and, so I've been told, when one reader went to 'read just one more chapter before bed....' ended up finishing the book at three in the morning.



Guess which one the publisher lady bought?



Yeah. 'rewriting sucks'.