This is your captain speaking...

[Nebulous]

You're on an airplane ready for takeoff.
The pilot announces, "This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard."
What is the funniest thing he/she could say next?

 

[seasidemike]

' we will be taking off as soon as I sober up a little more, it was the co-pilot's birthday yesterday and we celebrated a little long into the night, so sit back, relax and we will have you in the air as soon as the breathalyser gives clearance'.

 

[Jazzy]

"This is my first time doing this and I'm freaking out. Does anyone onboard know how to fly a plane?"

 

[DrLeftover]

"I don't want to Cleveland, anybody up for a weekend in Vegas?"

 

[Webster]

Now that we're at our cruising altitude of 37,000 feet... *pauses to put on parachute & open cockpit door* ....I'll be stepping outside for a break...

 

[Excommunicado]

"I'll be having a 20 minute nap, so go chatter crazy"

I don't think any pilot would ever say that, just my imagination swirling!

 

[Webster]

...football fans should get this one... *fingers crossed*
"This is your captain speaking...as we fly over the East Lancashire Road, if you'll look to your left, you'll see the greatest stadium ever built, known as Anfield...and if you'll look off to your right, you'll just see an Old Toilet..."

 

[Webster]

*after reaching cruising altitude* ...this is your captain speaking. If you'll look to your left, you'll see Staten Island and New Jersey. And, if you'll look to your right, you'll get to see Mayor De Blasio and the Rev. Al Sharpton attempt to fly without parachutes...