What is something couples should know/prepare

[Jazzy]

What is something couples should know/prepare for before moving in together?

 

[Dee]

It's important to realize that bringing two individuals together is not always going to be easy, and that "love" isn't always going to solve everything. Get your head out of the clouds because relationships are hard work. If the balance of cost/benefit is off and one person is demanding or getting all of the attention, then shit isn't going to work out. You need to have open and healthy communication skills such as being able to listen to someone and reiterate what they're saying, as well as being able to express what you want from the relationship without making it sound like an order. And this communication skill thing applies to very important aspects, especially when living together (e.g. finances, family and their place in the relationship, politics, thoughts about how to raise a family if that's the goal, etc).

A few other things couples should know:

1) What respect is and how you earn/give it
2) That sometimes people just need their space
3) That the relationship will go through waves. It won't always be one big love-fest or one big mess of a fight and that's okay
4) That you're probably more selfish and/or self-absorbed than you really think, but how to integrate and work with that in the relationship

 

[mrldii]

That sooner or later, once the honeymoon period is over, there's going to be disagreements and issues that arise and you should be prepared for it.

"Prepared for it" does NOT mean introducing a puppy, a child, and/or another person into the fray to help you get over the issues which will arise. Work it out and stay together or don't work it out and move on. You don't get to "move on" AND "stay together"; it IS an "either/or" proposition.

 

[Jazzy]

Don't do it!

1. Everyone was raised differently. They fold towels differently. They do laundry differently. They wash dishes differently. They have different expectations and standards of cleanliness. They have different standards of what bathrooms should look like in your day-to-day life. Work out these differences. Make a list of chores of who's going to do what.

2. Communicate. You may just love each other so much you can't stand it but neither of you are mind readers. Shit will go down. 90% of the time it can be avoided with decent communication.

3. It is completely okay for you to spend time apart. You are living with the person but it doesn't mean you have to be with them every waking moment of your life. You are two distinct people and for your relationship to stay healthy you as an individual need to be healthy of mind. Get some time away from your SO. It helps you appreciate them. It helps you experience things that you might not experience with them (maybe you like horror movies and they don't). That is all okay. No relationship should ever have you spending 100% of your waking time together.

4. Talk about finances. You might be two independent individuals but when living together your finances become intrinsically linked. Someone has to pay the rent/mortgage. Someone has to buy food. Someone has to pay the utilities. Work this out. Then if you want to take it further work out how you will afford to do fun things. You don't necessarily have to combine accounts (which I wouldn't suggest doing in case of a breakup) but you need to communicate your finances to each other.

5. Still make time to date each other. This is extremely important. When you are living with someone it can get really easy to get into a daily grind. Make sure that you are taking time out to appreciate each other. Still go on dates. It doesn't have to be extravagant. But make sure that no matter what you are still making time for each other.

Screw all that shit...I'll keep with my original answer...Don't do it!

 

[DrLeftover]

change the pronouns to suit the situation

1. She believes that she can change him along the lines of "if he loves me he'll do / not do 'whatever'." to be her ideal man.

2. He believes that she loves him as he is and doesn't want him to change along the lines of "take me as I am".

Both are wrong.

 

[~KAGE-008]

Screw all that shit...I'll keep with my original answer...Don't do it!

Great answer @Jazzy!