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Dear Santa Letter Generator
- Thread starter Nebulous
- Start date
Dear Santa Claus,
This year, I have been a very bad little advertising tampon. I have sometimes lied, and I have always helped my mommy with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddyâs testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new razor. For my big brother, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my doggy, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh â and for my mail man, please bring some fruit cake.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Scooby Doo toilet paper, and front row tickets to Aaron Carter â plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please donât forget to bring my pony. But if you canât, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.
Love,
Billybobjr
PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Poophead? He has been a really selfish dork all year long and doesnât deserve any Christmas presents. So please donât forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!
This year, I have been a very bad little advertising tampon. I have sometimes lied, and I have always helped my mommy with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddyâs testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new razor. For my big brother, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my doggy, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh â and for my mail man, please bring some fruit cake.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Scooby Doo toilet paper, and front row tickets to Aaron Carter â plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please donât forget to bring my pony. But if you canât, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.
Love,
Billybobjr
PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Poophead? He has been a really selfish dork all year long and doesnât deserve any Christmas presents. So please donât forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!
Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,
This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little girl. I have compulsively murdered, and I have often helped my other daddy with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new dead-end job. For my little brother, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my ferret, please bring a cableknit sweater. Oh â and for my pool boy, please bring some work ethic.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Star Wars videos, and front row tickets to Eminem â plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please donât forget to bring my pony. But if you canât, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $10,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Love,
Katy
PS: Please say hello to the baby Jesus.
---PPS: I wasn't lying about the Eminem, I actually like Eminem. Wow. Eminem.--- *totally unrelated statement*
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Jebus? He has been a really homicidal coprophile all year long and doesnât deserve any Christmas presents. So please donât forget to put coal in their stocking. Thanks!
This year, I have been a very Ritalin-addled little girl. I have compulsively murdered, and I have often helped my other daddy with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new dead-end job. For my little brother, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my ferret, please bring a cableknit sweater. Oh â and for my pool boy, please bring some work ethic.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Star Wars videos, and front row tickets to Eminem â plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please donât forget to bring my pony. But if you canât, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $10,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Love,
Katy
PS: Please say hello to the baby Jesus.
---PPS: I wasn't lying about the Eminem, I actually like Eminem. Wow. Eminem.--- *totally unrelated statement*
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Jebus? He has been a really homicidal coprophile all year long and doesnât deserve any Christmas presents. So please donât forget to put coal in their stocking. Thanks!
Dear Satan Claus – Devourer of Children’s Souls,
This year, I have been a very manipulative little boy. I have compulsively pillaged, and I have never helped my sister with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring earrings. For my daddy, please bring a new neck tie. For my little brother, please bring fingernail polish. For my hampster, please bring a cableknit sweater. Oh – and for my case worker, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Harry Potter breakfast cereal, and front row tickets to Philip Glass – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my go-kart. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.
Sincerely,
EE
PS: Please say hi to Rudolph.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Dr. Frankenstein? He has been a really perverted vivisection hobbyist all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!
Dear Satan Claus – Devourer of Children’s Souls,
This year, I have been a very manipulative little girl. I have compulsively murdered, and I have always helped my mommy with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new dead-end job. For my little sister, please bring a diaphragm. For my doggy, please bring a chew toy. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants action figures, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get behind the scenes! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Yours,
The Dragon Master
PS: Please say Merry Christmas to the baby Jesus.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Evil Eye? He has been a really homicidal cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put homework in their stocking. Thanks!
This year, I have been a very manipulative little girl. I have compulsively murdered, and I have always helped my mommy with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new dead-end job. For my little sister, please bring a diaphragm. For my doggy, please bring a chew toy. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants action figures, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get behind the scenes! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Yours,
The Dragon Master
PS: Please say Merry Christmas to the baby Jesus.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Evil Eye? He has been a really homicidal cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put homework in their stocking. Thanks!
Stop being a homicidal cry-baby
Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,
This year, I have been a very materialistic little girl. I have compulsively embezzeled, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my big sister, please bring methodone. For my doggy, please bring a cableknit sweater. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some fruit cake.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Star Wars videos, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
Jazzy
PS: Please say hi to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Nebulous? He has been a really naughty weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put coal in their stocking. Thanks!
This year, I have been a very materialistic little girl. I have compulsively embezzeled, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my big sister, please bring methodone. For my doggy, please bring a cableknit sweater. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some fruit cake.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Star Wars videos, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get coked up! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
Jazzy
PS: Please say hi to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Nebulous? He has been a really naughty weener all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put coal in their stocking. Thanks!
Dear Pagan Troll,
This year, I have been a very manipulative little TV watcher. I have compulsively embezzeled, and I have often helped my mommyâs âspecial friendâ with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring fruit leather panties. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little sister, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my hampster, please bring kibble. Oh â and for my case worker, please bring some fruit cake.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith action figures, and front row tickets to Britney Spears â plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please donât forget to bring my pony. But if you canât, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
Beowulf
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Hal-9000? He has been a really perverted weener all year long and doesnât deserve any Christmas presents. So please donât forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!
This year, I have been a very manipulative little TV watcher. I have compulsively embezzeled, and I have often helped my mommyâs âspecial friendâ with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring fruit leather panties. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little sister, please bring a subscription to Guns & Ammo. For my hampster, please bring kibble. Oh â and for my case worker, please bring some fruit cake.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith action figures, and front row tickets to Britney Spears â plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please donât forget to bring my pony. But if you canât, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the meatloaf I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
Beowulf
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Hal-9000? He has been a really perverted weener all year long and doesnât deserve any Christmas presents. So please donât forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!
