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Forgiveness
- Thread starter Jazzy
- Start date
Yes, because it helps you move forward in life. Rather than hold onto the past.
I can forgive someone, but I don't forget. I forgive someone more for myself than I do for them, just to move on.
Yes, I think down the long, winding road everyone should be forgiven, but it can be hard not to hold onto some things. Like, if someone murdered one of my family members, I'd want immediate revenge. But, if someone just told me off, I may think about it a little but forgive them eventually.
That's where the forgive but not forget principle comes from. Essentially you're taking responsibility for your response to the situation rather than blaming the other person. You may not trust the person or even let them into your life, but you feel compassion for them and wish them well. Though it could be argued that it's not true forgiveness
I remember you saying you forgive but you don't forget in our discussion on handling insincere apologies here: https://offtopix.com/threads/i-dont-accept-your-apology.42247/
I find forgiveness difficult.
I might forgive someone, but I will always remember what they did. I don't believe in "Forgive and Forget" because I think that is absurd. Most often, I rarely ever forgive major offenses towards me and I just nuke the bridge and call it good. It depends on how important my relationship is with them. Most often I have had to quit associating with old friends who just kept on and on and on. My sister is much of the same mind. In fact we've both held a grudge against my younger brother for years over shit he's not even sorry for. We've both pretty much washed our hands of him and I don't think that's going to change because forgiving him hasn't ever worked. He's still treating us like crap and making immoral decisions. Every time he or his wife says they went to church and tries to sell them off as good people, I can't help but stifle a laugh and I'm not even Christian. In case he missed the memo; no, you don't get to go around screwing people over and then hide behind your religion at the end of the week.
As I said, and I stand by it, not everyone deserves forgiveness. It is not my responsibility to forgive them if I choose not to especially if they have done something that cannot be forgiven. I cut them off and think nothing more of them. Life is too short to entertain foolishness. I'm too old for that. Being honest, I'm not going to pretend to have feelings of compassion and wishing them well because that's fake. Like I said, I rather not even think about the person.That's where the forgive but not forget principle comes from. Essentially you're taking responsibility for your response to the situation rather than blaming the other person. You may not trust the person or even let them into your life, but you feel compassion for them and wish them well. Though it could be argued that it's not true forgiveness
For me personally? I don’t believe anyone is inherently good or bad. Ppl mature. You can forgive someone and still cut them off.
I’m not talking about you, but I feel like often times when we can’t forgive someone, we are the ones who’ve been enabling that bad behaviour for a long time, and because we’ve given chance after chance we struggle to forgive ourselves as well as the other person. I think it’s healthy to forgive and consider it a lesson learnt. That means not trusting again, at least not blindly.
I’m sorry to hear about your brother though, that’s really sad to hear
Hopefully he’ll realise his mistake and start respecting you. If he does, do you think you would forgive him (while not trusting him at least completely of course)? You could say that it’s fake. I totally understand and respect your stance on that. I still don’t label humans as good or bad as they evolve. I don’t hold ill will and I hope they won’t exhibit toxic behaviours to another person.
From society, perhaps. From the victim, perhaps not.
I believe this is a question that correlates a lot of with why I am a writer, actually. It's a part of every human's journey and it isn't an easy path to traverse well. I remember the scene in Breaking Bad when Jesse is act a narcotics anonymous meeting and the counselor reflects on being coked up and accidentally running over his young daughter (or something to that extent). I find it a poignant story because is poses an important question - what happens next? If we believe that criminals deserve to *one day* be released from prison for a crime (or not deserve a life sentence), what comes next for them? How do they live? What do they do? What part should they play? What part should they be allowed to play? I think, maybe, sometimes, you realize that things like whether "society forgives you," doesn't matter, so much so as whether you can forgive yourself and exist as a functional member of the world. Life goes on either way.
That was a lot of rambling, I admit. It's something I think a lot about (I write with a lot of darker, flawed characters and I try to be empathetic with them, but not excuse them from accountability).
I believe this is a question that correlates a lot of with why I am a writer, actually. It's a part of every human's journey and it isn't an easy path to traverse well. I remember the scene in Breaking Bad when Jesse is act a narcotics anonymous meeting and the counselor reflects on being coked up and accidentally running over his young daughter (or something to that extent). I find it a poignant story because is poses an important question - what happens next? If we believe that criminals deserve to *one day* be released from prison for a crime (or not deserve a life sentence), what comes next for them? How do they live? What do they do? What part should they play? What part should they be allowed to play? I think, maybe, sometimes, you realize that things like whether "society forgives you," doesn't matter, so much so as whether you can forgive yourself and exist as a functional member of the world. Life goes on either way.
That was a lot of rambling, I admit. It's something I think a lot about (I write with a lot of darker, flawed characters and I try to be empathetic with them, but not excuse them from accountability).
I’m sorry to hear about your brother though, that’s really sad to hear
Our issues started over a decade ago. He's done a lot of bad things and he's hurt a lot of people including me and our sister. He's fake, he's a liar, he's malicious, and he's manipulative. I'm done. I am not going to spend my life waiting for him to grow a conscience. He doesn't have one. He is a sociopath.
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