If you wrote a book..

[Corleone]

If you had to write a book, what would it be about?



I would write a book on how to enjoy the simple things in life.

 

[Evil Eye]

My ideology, it wouldn't sell

 

[beowulf]

a photographic history of aircraft used as gate guardians at RAF air bases

 

[Corleone]

I would write another book about procrastination and what it'll do to you.

I would title it Procras...

 

[DrLeftover]

I think I'd write about the people behind the scenes in a major restaurant complex.



Maybe call it The Kitchen Mafia



It might start out something like this.....

The Kitchen Mafia

-or-

How we became a union and learned to like it.





Mature readers only. Some strong language and sexual situations.



As you know Mac, this is your performance review for the last year as morning prep head cook. I'll start with your staff.

Yes, sir, Mister Green.

On the good side, that one dishwasher, Rat, has only been reported as being naked on duty twice. I've only had a handful of reports of inappropriate language or behavior from your staff towards others, or each other. And there's only been one instance of, shall we say, excessive fraternization in the locker rooms between staff.

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Now, about the kitchen itself. You've never explained a couple of things to me...

Like what, sir?

Let's start with... what it it they call your group, the cook's mafia?

Kitchen Mafia, sir. Ahh, I'll try to explain it, if you give me a minute.

You've got all the time you need. Start at the beginning if you need to.

Thank you, sir.



Boning Chicken

1.

I'm Mac, and I make my living cooking other people's food.

It's not as bad as you'd think.

Really, it's not. Let me tell you about it.



Men suck.... No. All men suck.

Good morning Valerie, I answered the voice that had erupted from over by the locker rooms.

Fuck you, and everybody related to you, Valerie answered with pure snake venom in her voice as she pushed the door on the women's side open.

I love you too, Val.

Go screw.

I'd love to, but then we'd both get written up.

Her glare and sneer would have given a lessor man nightmares for a month. Me, I just laughed and went back to prepping breakfast. Evidently Val's latest adventure in dating had ended badly.

That's my job, no, not listening to Valerie cussing her newest ex-boyfriend, which at least this time wasn't me. I'd done my time being her 'ex' a couple of years ago.

Not long after she started we went out a few times, and made out a few times. And then I learned that while Valerie is very pretty, with long dirty blonde hair and a figure that I still found scenic, she was just generally unhappy and almost impossible to satisfy anywhere except in bed. And yes, I know that from experience. When it came time to get sweaty together, she was fantastic, but once that was over, nothing was good enough for her. And I mean that in every way possible.

Anyway, part of my job, and almost all of hers as well, is fixing and serving breakfast for the usual assortment of soldiers, truckers, and civil service workers that stop here instead of one of the several chain restaurants across the parkway.

And so today officially began.

Valerie was, in spite of, or maybe because of her general attitude that nobody with an XY chromosome set should be allowed to live, the lead server for the breakfast shift in the diner. The other server, Barbara, was the oldest waitress in the entire complex, but she came in at six, so Valerie opened the first restaurant in our complex to open in the course of a normal day.

But what constituted a 'normal day' around here was open to debate at best.



OK, I know just telling you all of that stuff is dull as no salt vegetable broth, but bear with me and we'll get past it and get to the good parts. As well as sex with somebody who won't use a taser on you when you ask her if she wants a drink afterward. OK?

Should be finished sometime after the first of the year....



And then I'll spend a couple of months arguing with the editor and publisher.



How about you?

 

[Dennis]

I always try to write books..But i never get farther than the third chapter. Right now i'm working on one that tries to get the point across of the relationship between experience and knowledge being on relative levels. Now that i wrote it, i see how silly it looks.

 

[The Dragon Master]

How to take over the world

 

[Corleone]

I'd write a book on how to stay warm when it's freezing!

Before:

After:

(Reading my book, staying warm)

 

[Rapunzel]

I'd write chick lit with sex, giggles and chocolate (preferably warm, melted and licked off the body slowly!) Woohoo!

 

[Corleone]

lol Very creative. I would write a book on why I hate shopping and how to avoid it.

 

[Dennis]

I'd write chick lit with sex, giggles and chocolate (preferably warm, melted and licked off the body slowly!) Woohoo!

Someone's getting in the holiday cheer

 

[Corleone]

Someone's getting in the holiday cheer

Looks like you'll be one of her first buying customers.

I'd write a book about negative people.

 

[Dennis]

I would write a book about game play.

 

[Corleone]

I would write a book on why it's not cool to be late.

 

[DrLeftover]

But if you write books and get them published... then things like this happen.

-----------



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE



Contact: Nancy Schumacher



Address:White Bear Lake, MN 55110



Web Address: www.melange-books.com



Email Address: [email protected]





GRAND OPENING OF NEW DIGITAL AND PRINT ON DEMAND PUBLISHING HOUSE



“Melange” for every reader’s taste in literature.



Opening January 1, 2011





December 30, 2010, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota





New small press, Melange Books, LLC, www.melange-books.com, is opening its online doors on Saturday, January 1, 2011, offering digital and print on demand books.



Melange Books, LLC, is offering books for sale in several genres, including mainstream fiction, historical and contemporary romance, erotica, science fiction-fantasy, and young adult, for your reading pleasure.



The creation of Melange was a ‘group effort’ composed of experienced editors and artists from another house that recently closed its doors. Melange is opening its doors with over 150 releases available in digital and print format.



Melange owner, Nancy Schumacher, from White Bear Lake, MN, eagerly took on the creation, with very few bumps along the way. “I couldn’t have opened my doors without the help of the experienced staff I’ve been lucky to hire on at Melange,” Ms. Schumacher stated.



Books will be available through several online sources; the Melange website at www.melange-books.com, Fictionwise Books, www.fictionwise-com, All Romance Ebooks, http://www.allromanceebooks.com, Amazon books, www.amazonbooks.com, and in print through LULU publishing at www.lulu.com. In the very near future, all books will also be available in Kindle format.



Melange Books, LLC, is offering authors a competitive contract for publication, and in February will open its doors to submissions.

 

[Flurry]

Hmm... As creative as I can be at times. I think for the sheer heck of it. I'd write a book on Carts and the way of the Parking Lot.

 

[StevenF50]

I've had a go at a couple of books but they are all crap and short. If I was to write another one it would be: Age Vs Maturity.

 

[Wingedkuri]

I had tried to write a couple of books, but in the end they don't really fit the format and become concepts for games and comics instead. The two that I have done so far are fantasy with a mix of science-fiction elements. If my cover art is finished I'll surely post it, but the one I'm currently doing is about a virus species and my main character Rhiel. (It sort of follows the Wizard of Oz line) One of my favorite characters is Yume, who is an android that sort of takes the shape of a bipedal horse with a gas mask infused to his face and has long and lanky reptilian claws. I'll have a picture drawn soon since it's a little hard to explain how he looks, haha.

 

[Evil Eye]

I'll have a picture drawn soon since it's a little hard to explain how he looks, haha.

I'd like to see that.

 

[Wingedkuri]

I'd like to see that.

Thanks for that.

It won't be long, I'm just distracted with a new writing project at the moment! I'm hoping to work on some historical fiction, which is a completely unfamiliar field for me so I'm reading a lot of books at the moment just to get a better idea on the era I want to write in (Already have the plot *Excited*) I can't wait to start on it.