Is it hard making friends as an adult?

[Kale]

So is it hard making friends as an adult, or is it BS? I've found it hard to make friends IRL as an adult, not so much online.

 

[Webster]

So is it hard making friends as an adult, or is it BS? I've found it hard to make friends IRL as an adult, not so much online.

Online, no. Offline, hell yes its' hard at times (especially if you suffer from anxiety and/or paranoia like I do sometimes).

 

[Kale]

Online, no. Offline, hell yes its' hard at times (especially if you suffer from anxiety and/or paranoia like I do sometimes).

Yup, hard due to that for many people. I can talk to strangers easily and all just never have made any actual IRL friends.

 

[emily]

I think it depends on what type of person you are and also what you have to offer the world
I think that if it comes naturally to you to go to parties, start conversations, if you have lots of world experience, it's going to be easier for you than someone say maybe doesn't enjoy being social, and would prefer a night in front of a movie, possibly with some chocolate, and fall asleep on the sofa

in my experience, people would rather be friends with people that are going places, and not just people who are in their words, " left behind"

 

[Smiley]

I'd say it depends on what kind of friendship you're looking for. If you're just looking a drinking buddy, it shouldn't be too hard, especially if you don't mind paying for both of yours drinks.

If, on the other hand, you're looking for something deeper and more meaningful, a person who shares your interests, even someone you can count on at the times of need, I highly doubt you'll find such person at a bar. Where to find them? I don't know. Adults are usually too busy with work and their lives in general. Maybe a friend of a friend knows someone?

 

[Nebulous]

Seems like the only place I have to meet friends is at work and I don't really want to hang out with any of them outside of work. I like keeping my work life and personal life separate.

 

[PGen98]

It's extremely difficult for me to make friends offline. I have general and social anxiety issues, so I panic even if there are only two or three people around. Hard to make friends when you can't talk to them, lol.

 

[Smiley]

So don't talk. Act.

 

[Cory]

I have a hard time making friends whether it be online or offline. I'd say online and offline I mainly have acquaintances. But, to be honest, I don't even try that hard. I don't really try and get to know other people or have them get to know me. I've pushed a lot of people to the side that tried to get to know me in life, I should really stop doing this for the sake of my social well-being. I don't do too much in life, so it's not like I really have much to talk about anyways.

To the topic on hand, I think it is significantly harder to make friends as an adult than in your youth due to yourself and others staying so busy and committed to their daily life duties. Also, unless you actually make the effort to get out and actively do things or work at a job with a lot of people then your social pool gets a lot smaller as you age it seems. You have so many possibilities for friendship in school due to the sheer amount of different types of people you're around, but as an adult, it seems that the social pool does indeed shrink.

 

[MrDawn]

So is it hard making friends as an adult, or is it BS? I've found it hard to make friends IRL as an adult, not so much online.

It's always been hard for me to make friends, let alone keep them around. I have trust issues with people.

 

[Nebulous]

I have trust issues with people.

Burned too many times in the past?

 

[MrDawn]

Burned too many times in the past?

I had a best friend that screwed me over bad. It really messed with my head. I had to get therapy and it caused me to have anger problems. I was with this really pretty woman and they both had an affair behind my back. He came up with every excuse in the book on how it was mutual and that they wanted to be together, he would not acknowledge that she cheated on me and that he was apart of it. To make things worse, they both went the extra mile to drag my name through the mud and said I didn't deserve good things.

Fast forward 6 years later. He comes back and apologizes after she left him a year into the relationship. Said he was a weak person and everything he thought I wanted to hear, but to be honest, I thought his apology sucked. It wasn't good enough because he didn't want to come clean to his family or any of our mutual friends about his story. He totally made me the bad guy. He told everyone that she cheated with me and that she was with him all along. That was a load of bullshit. He wasn't willing to go public with his apology at all. That was the terms for me to forgive him & he couldn't do that for me. That made his apology worthless. Fuck him. I can't be friends with a narcissist who is incapable of taking accountability for his actions. It made him irredeemable to me.

 

[PGen98]

I had a best friend that screwed me over bad. It really messed with my head. I had to get therapy and it caused me to have anger problems. I was with this really pretty woman and they both had an affair behind my back. He came up with every excuse in the book on how it was mutual and that they wanted to be together, he would not acknowledge that she cheated on me and that he was apart of it. To make things worse, they both went the extra mile to drag my name through the mud and said I didn't deserve good things.

Fast forward 6 years later. He comes back and apologizes after she left him a year into the relationship. Said he was a weak person and everything he thought I wanted to hear, but to be honest, I thought his apology sucked. It wasn't good enough because he didn't want to come clean to his family or any of our mutual friends about his story. He totally made me the bad guy. He told everyone that she cheated with me and that she was with him all along. That was a load of bullshit. He wasn't willing to go public with his apology at all. That was the terms for me to forgive him & he couldn't do that for me. That made his apology worthless. Fuck him. I can't be friends with a narcissist who is incapable of taking accountability for his actions. It made him irredeemable to me.

Spot on, fuck him!

 

[Nebulous]

I had a best friend that screwed me over bad. It really messed with my head. I had to get therapy and it caused me to have anger problems. I was with this really pretty woman and they both had an affair behind my back. He came up with every excuse in the book on how it was mutual and that they wanted to be together, he would not acknowledge that she cheated on me and that he was apart of it. To make things worse, they both went the extra mile to drag my name through the mud and said I didn't deserve good things.

Fast forward 6 years later. He comes back and apologizes after she left him a year into the relationship. Said he was a weak person and everything he thought I wanted to hear, but to be honest, I thought his apology sucked. It wasn't good enough because he didn't want to come clean to his family or any of our mutual friends about his story. He totally made me the bad guy. He told everyone that she cheated with me and that she was with him all along. That was a load of bullshit. He wasn't willing to go public with his apology at all. That was the terms for me to forgive him & he couldn't do that for me. That made his apology worthless. Fuck him. I can't be friends with a narcissist who is incapable of taking accountability for his actions. It made him irredeemable to me.

What a dick. Doesn't sound like a good friend at all. Good thing you dropped them both.

 

[Kale]

I still have made zero friends in real life, and have no desire to anymore. I'll admit I just thought this was a good topic to gather other thoughts and opinions. As a kid it was easy to make friends even if only in school.

 

[Nebulous]

and have no desire to anymore.

...but if the opportunity came along, you'd accept a new IRL friend?

 

[MamaFrankie]

It's always been hard for me. Not a people person.

 

[Dollhouse]

It's pretty hard for me as well. At my current job I just want to do my job, get paid, and go home. That's all. I'd be lucky if I have a "close friend" at work. But I don't know, I don't feel like making friends with them.

 

[Dee]

I've found that after college it became very difficult to make friends. Heck, when I switched high schools, it was hard then. And I didn't really make any friends during my undergraduate/graduate so yeah. It's been a pretty fruitless endeavor to make and keep friends.

 

[Nebulous]

It's pretty hard for me as well. At my current job I just want to do my job, get paid, and go home. That's all. I'd be lucky if I have a "close friend" at work. But I don't know, I don't feel like making friends with them.

Yeah theres people at work that want to be friends but I am on the fence when it comes to hanging out with them outside of work. I like to keep my worlds separate.

I've found that after college it became very difficult to make friends. Heck, when I switched high schools, it was hard then. And I didn't really make any friends during my undergraduate/graduate so yeah. It's been a pretty fruitless endeavor to make and keep friends.

Cue the corny "Well you got us here on this forum" line that most people say.... but we all know that online friends and IRL friends aren't the same thing. Unless someone you post with someone who is in your local area, then you could hang out in person if you wanted to.

 

[Dee]

Yeah theres people at work that want to be friends but I am on the fence when it comes to hanging out with them outside of work. I like to keep my worlds separate.



Cue the corny "Well you got us here on this forum" line that most people say.... but we all know that online friends and IRL friends aren't the same thing. Unless someone you post with someone who is in your local area, then you could hang out in person if you wanted to.

I have made and kept some friends on the internet for a very long time, over a decade at least. So yeah I get what you mean, but those people are definitely good friends and better than the ones who're in my life here.

 

[Nebulous]

I have made and kept some friends on the internet for a very long time, over a decade at least. So yeah I get what you mean, but those people are definitely good friends and better than the ones who're in my life here.

Same here, online friendships are great, but we still need face to face human interaction with a person we are fond of and can call a friend.

 

[Kale]

Cue the corny "Well you got us here on this forum" line that most people say.... but we all know that online friends and IRL friends aren't the same thing. Unless someone you post with someone who is in your local area, then you could hang out in person if you wanted to.

Yup much like IRL though I've lost contact with people I've met on chat rooms, forums, and sometimes even social media. That's the downside to Internet friends IMO. A site or so can go down one day and you'll never have a way to contact that person again. What me and a few of the CLOSE online friends have considered are giving out our actual phone numbers. Some also have social media they don't plan to ditch/delete and can just talk there too if Discord or whatever dropped one day.

I've never once met an actual person I've met online in reality. There have been talks before, but that was just it. Anytime we do wanna meet up, it never happened.

 

[Nebulous]

Yup much like IRL though I've lost contact with people I've met on chat rooms, forums, and sometimes even social media. That's the downside to Internet friends IMO. A site or so can go down one day and you'll never have a way to contact that person again. What me and a few of the CLOSE online friends have considered are giving out our actual phone numbers. Some also have social media they don't plan to ditch/delete and can just talk there too if Discord or whatever dropped one day.

I've never once met an actual person I've met online in reality. There have been talks before, but that was just it. Anytime we do wanna meet up, it never happened.

Is any of your online friends near you?

 

[Kale]

Is any of your online friends near you?

One of them I think sort of is, but she's hardly on or pays attention to Discord possibly due to her IRL. But not really, sadly. The only friend I did have IRL outside of school I lost due to being a dumb teenager.

 

[Nebulous]

Seems like the only place I have to meet friends is at work and I don't really want to hang out with any of them outside of work. I like keeping my work life and personal life separate.

Scratch that, I did make one work friend recently and we have plans to go do stuff in a couple weeks.