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[VOTE] Joke Contest - Make Me Laugh!

Which Joke Made You Laugh?

  • Aaron - #1

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Aaron - #2

    Votes: 3 50.0%

  • Jazzy - #1

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Jazzy - #2

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Webster - #1

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Webster - #2

    Votes: 2 33.3%

  • #assassin - #1

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • #assassin - #2

    Votes: 1 16.7%
  • Total voters
    6
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Jazzy

Jazzy

Wild Thing
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OT Bucks
308,926
^ TIME TO VOTE!​
On Sunday, March 8th, a poll will be created to vote for your favorite joke. Last day to vote is Saturday, March 14th.

The winner will be announced on Sunday, March 15th.

Rules


  • You may submit up to two jokes
  • Please keep your jokes clean
  • Please keep your entries in one post and label them #1 and #2
  • Members may NOT vote for themselves

The winner will receive $100 Off Topix Bucks and the joke award.
joke_month_award.png





So, are you ready to......
MakeMeLaughpicture.jpg




[align=center]TIME TO VOTE, SCROLL UP AND VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE JOKE!​
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Click to expand...
 
RE: Joke Contest - Make Me Laugh!

#1.
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

#2.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
 
RE: Joke Contest - Make Me Laugh!

#1 Raisin Bread
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.

As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?" Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"

"No," he stammers, "But it's quiverin' a little."

#2 Wow Nice Legs!
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
 
RE: Joke Contest - Make Me Laugh!

Three Men...And A Genie

"Three guys, a Utahan, a Californian and a Texan are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie Pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.

The Utahan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Utah." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Utah was forever made fertile for farming.

The Californian was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around the Golden State, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around California.

The Texan asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out."

The Texan says, "Fill it up with water, please."
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Three Kids

Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, ‘I want to go to Disney World. Obama said, ‘No problem, I’ll take you there on Air Force One.’

The second kid said, ‘I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Obama said, ‘I’ll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.’

The third kid said, ‘ I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.’

Obama was a little perplexed by this and said, ‘But you don’t look like you’re handicapped. The kid said, ‘I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.’
 
RE: Joke Contest - Make Me Laugh!

Funny jokes so far but we need some more please! :beg:
 
RE: Joke Contest - Make Me Laugh!

+Justice said:
good luck everyone, i might enter... :D
Click to expand...

C'mon, Justice...enter a joke into the contest, my friend! :D
 
RE: Joke Contest - Make Me Laugh!

#1:
"A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, 'Betty Crocker'?"

#2:
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well... are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist" "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off. (Emo Philips)
 
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