The Off Topix Whose Line Musical Thread...

[Webster]

Similarthey  to the regular Whose Line thread, this one focuses on another aspect of the show.....HOEDOWNS & MUSICAL SKITS!!

Starting with....the cop show hoedown!

--Nebulous: Boy, oh listen, nothing amuses me more than sitting at home, watching reality TV.
Now that they show COPS, you know that's the bomb...until I turn it on and think, 'Damn, there's my mom!'
--Liberty: I love me a cop show, of that you can be sure! Until I'm watching one night and they come bust down my door! They bring inside a deputy, they bring inside a jailer...and then they confiscated everything inside my trailer!
--Justice: I saw a cop show, it really made me mad! It was so horrible, all the writing, it was sad. More I watched it, the more it was the pits...it had Abe Vigoda & Erik Estrada, it was called "Fish & Chips!"
--Webster: Oh, boy, those cop shows, they give me such a fright! And it seems like they're on every single night! Sure, you can watch them, if you really want a scare...Thursdays at 8, you can see Jazzy's Underwear!

 

[Webster]

The Vending Machine Hoedown....

--Justice: I'm a human vending machine, its' really awfully dandy! Just give me your money 'cause my belly's full of candy! Look right through the display, in the window's here's the glass...just give me your quarter, I'll shoot some candy out of my ass!
--Jazzy: I love vending machines, that is why I sing...in this new-fangled age, you can get almost anything. You can get a bible if your a theologian, and if you're really horny, you can even get a Trojan!
--Frankie: There's a song about a vending machine, I hope it makes much sense...just listen very carefully, 'its' totally in French! *next two lines in French*
--Webster: Singing a song about a vending machine..don't you know that its' really not my scene! Try to think of something clever, with a little twist....if we do another hoedown, I'll slit my fucking wrists!

 

[Webster]

The Going Bald Hoedown...

--Justice: I am losing my hair and it really is a pain...I find out every morning when I see the shower drain. But as you can see, it isn't quite for me...but at least I'm not quite as bald as either Nebulous or Webster!
--Nebulous: I have all my hair and I really am quite happy! I like puttin' stuff in my hair, it makes me look real sappy! I love to comb my hair, I never need a breather....I'm real happy that I'm not Webster either!
--Webster: People always kid me 'cause I'm losing all my hair...I can't really help it that I'm folically impaired! It really is quite horrible, but its' not really so bad...I still get way more sex than either Justice or Nebulous!!
--Frankie: Losing all your hair isn't really that bad of a deal...a lot of women love just how the way it feels! Just think of it as just a little bit more face, and you can rent it out for advertising space!

 

[Webster]

The Drinking Hoedown


--Justice: I can't find my car keys 'cause I'm so full of booze! I smell just like vodka 'cause I threw up on my shoes! I don't even know where I put my pants...so I'm just gonna' wear a lampshade and run around and dance!
--Doc Leftover: Well, making up songs in a hoedown, puts me to the test...and to tell ya' really frankly, I'm not at my best. I do better when I can really think...but ABC...they don't let me drink!
--Frankie: The other day when playing golf, I had a lot to drink...as I reached the first tee, I could barely think. I hit the ball really hard, the guy's barely alive...which just goes to prove if you drink... *swing golf club* ...don't drive!
--Webster: I got naked in a bar, I took off all my clothes. How I ever got that far, nobody knows...I passed out naked on the bar, I only had a sip. The waitress came to clean up and I said, "Keep the tip!"

 

[Webster]

The Vasectomy Hoedown

-Doc Leftover: Well, I went to my doctor and he said to me, "What you need is a vasectomy!" "I'll cut your balls off and put 'em in a jar!...and then he took his head off and went, 'Ha, ha, ha, ha!"
-Beowulf: I fight fires in Germany, they really are the worst..I'm now a duel German in my next verse! *does next two lines in German*
-Webster: Some people think its' a lousy job, but I like the idea of workin' 'round somebody's nob! Everybody thinks that's its' a job that really stinks...but I save up all the spare parts and make some cufflinks!
-Nebulous: The doctor went to work that day and started right down there....he snipped around my jazzies and also 'round my hair. For that job, I'm very grateful and I do give thanks, 'cause now when I make love, I'm always shootin' blanks!

 

[Nebulous]

Yee haw!

 

[Webster]

The Graduation Drinking Song...
-Nebulous: Today I put on my cap..
-Stephanie: ..and then I had a drink!
-Webster: I go and get my diploma...
-Richard: ...I know how to think!
-Nebulous: I'm gonna' walk down the aisle...
-Stephanie: ..my parents'll be so proud!
-Webster: I am so happy,
-Richard: there she is, she's loud!

-Stephanie: This day has finally come, I'd glad...
-Webster: ..my gown, its' long and flowing!
-Richard: I'm gonna' get a job good,
-Nebulous: to Devry I'm going!
-Stephanie: After work, I'll go to school...
-Webster: ...I'll study really hard!
-Richard: Then I'll have a wife & kids...
-Nebulous: ...and then I'll read the Bard!

-Webster: Today is my first day,
-Richard: and I am so proud!
-Nebulous: I am a good worker...
-Stephanie: ....and yet I'm drunk as a dowel...
-Webster: I work so hard...
-Richard: ..to get to this day!
-Nebulous: I'm glad I graduated...
-Stephanie: ...and wish I wasn't gay!

-Richard: Today I just laid off...
-Nebulous: ..ohh, good grief!
-Stephanie: Graduation's a far memory,
-Webster: I have to go to a new place!
-Richard: I have to find a new job...
-Nebulous: ...what will I do?
-Stephanie: I'll bring the beer & knuckle-knobs...
-Webster: ..there's blood in my stool!

 

[Webster]

The Director Hoedown


-Richard: I moved to Hollywood, to see if I could act! About five years ago, to this day to be exact....I thought being a director, it would be groovy! My first movie role was in a homemade Jazzy porno!
-Jazzy: My first directing job, it was really great...fans lined up to see it, they couldn't really wait! It was really...quite the bomb; it was a porno starring me and Richard's mom!
-Nebulous: I'm a big director, I keep egos in check! Stars rant and rave at me, it really is a wreck! Nothing really scares me, I know no fear...nothing scares me more since Webster licked my ear!
-Webster: Our director, he really is the boss! For yelling & screaming, he's never at a loss! He's the meanest guy that you will ever see...he should sprout a mustache and move to Germany!

 

[Webster]

The Snoring Hoedown


--Richard: I hate my roommate, I hate 'em if you please...he's loud and choppy and he's sawing lots of logs! I don't know why he makes so much noise in his bed, but last night I'd had enough, so I went and chopped off his head!
--Liberty: My wife says my snoring, it is way too loud! My wife, my snoring and me, that's a real big crowd! My wife, she hates it when I'm snoring and laying around, 'cause my snoring covers my wife's loans!
--Nebulous: I'm a loud snorer, or so my boyfriend says....the way he goes on about it, you'd think it was a crime! It really is so horrible, I wish I could stop it all....the worst thing of it all, I don't snore through my Johnson!
--Webster: I snore real loudly, each and every night! Sometimes my date and I get into a real huge fight! I guess its' kind of bad that I don't show a lot of class....I snore so hard, I suck the sheets right out of my ass!

 

[Webster]

The Magician Hoedown

--Freezy: I've always wanted to be a magician all of my life! I go 'round the house saying "Hey!" "Surprise!" to my wife! I want to go to Vegas, her I do annoy....if I was one-half oven and one-half lion, I'd be Siegfried and LeRoy!
--Nebulous: Hoedowns about magicians are really hard to do...I can't think of one verse, let alone even two! Let me tell ya' something that'll give ya' a little laugh...if Freezy takes my verse again, I'll saw his ass in half!!
--Richard: I am a great magician...I have this special skill; I can take a woman and make her yell and howl! It really is quite simple, I can't believe it works...just ask Jazzy; she calls me John Holmes!
--Webster: Richard wants to be a magician and I think he should...the only problem is, he's not very good! He really sucks; he's the worst in all the world! Why else does Jazzy call him Tiny?

 

[Webster]

The Slept With An Ugly Woman Drinking Song...

-Stephanie: Once when I was celebrating...
-Liz: ...I went to bed!
-Webster: I had too much to drink,
-Karrit: Woke up to an ugly head!
-Stephanie: She turned over..
-Liz: ..and I saw her face!
-Webster: I screamed in surprise!
-Karrit: ..and I sprayed her in mace!

-Liz: I jumped out and ran away..
-Webster: ..and put on all my clothes!
-Karrit: And then I ran from the house...
-Stephanie: ...I hit her, I do suppose...
-Liz: But she chased right after me...
-Webster: ...and she got into her car...
-Karrit: She didn't get there...
-Stephanie: She looked like Jamie Farr!

-Webster: And though she was so ugly,
-Karrit: I took her anyway!
-Stephanie: I used her to scare children away...
-Liz: ..and I named her Valentino!
-Webster: ....oh, what the hey!?!
-Karrit: Oh, it really worked good...
-Stephanie: ...then I took her to the dog pound...
-Liz: ...and said, 'what the hey?!?'

-Karrit: I've tried to forget it...
-Stephanie: ...I tried to drink a lot!
-Liz: Because she was so ugly...
-Webster: ....*drunken song words*
-Karrit: ...then that day will come again...
-Stephanie: ...that I'll meet her!
-Liz: I was so scared...
-Webster: I put a bullet in her!