The Off Topix Whose Line Thread...

[Webster]

how dare you not have me in #7!

Couldn't fit you into #7, Justice...you're in #8, though.  

unacceptable...

please continue though... [/quote]

Well, thank you...anything in particular you like thus far?

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #12
--Disturbing People To Get A Lap Dance From...
-(everyone points towards Doc Leftover)

--Inappropriate Times To Sneeze
-Webster: (to Nebulous) ...scalpel.

--The Munchkins: What Are They Doing Now?
-Justice: Well, your fries are ready! *laughs* I'm a short-order cook!
-Jazzy: *waves towards a car, then looks underneath* ...looks like you need a new muffler...
-Nebulous: In this corner, the Mayor of the Lollipop Guild! In this corner, Gary Coleman.....FIGHT!
-Webster: *pops up from under Nebulous's desk* You forgot to them give points, Nebulous...

--Graffiti In The Off Topix Bathroom
-Liberty: ...Justice is here! *looks over and see Justice* Ahhhh!
-Justice: *uses bathroom* ...I give myself 1000 points!

--The Wrong Thing To Say To A Heartbroken Friend...
-Liberty (to Justice): Dude, calm down! She doesn't kiss that well...
-Stephanie (to Liz): Girl, calm down! She doesn't kiss that well...
-Jazzy (to Nebulous): *looks down at his waist* Ahhh...it'll grow back!

--What Forum Members Wish For When They Blow Out Their Birthday Candles
-Webster: No more hoedowns!
-Justice: Please, don't let Nebulous make us get under that desk of his again!

--In Laws That Make You Question Your Engagement
-Stephanie & Liz walk out on stage...
-Webster (alongside Nebulous): Hi, I'm Chewbacca and this is the Wookie...

 

[Jazzy]

Don't know how you're coming up with all this Webster, but I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! :rolf2:

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #13
--Conversation Topics That Can Derail A Meal
-Webster (to Doc Leftover): You know, the first time you taste human flesh, it is a little gamey...
-Nebulous (to Jazzy): Well, we're not going to have any more problems with the neighbors' dog...

--Hillbilly Dating Service Videos
-Jimbo: I'd like to meet someone who's not related to me...

--What's On TV In Hell...
-Liberty: Justice's Conspiracy Files...
-Doc Leftover: Tonight, an all-special naked Golden Girls...
-Aaron: Butt Cracks of the Rich & Famous!

--Things Found In Hillbilly Fortune Cookies...
-Webster: *after a few moments* ...hell, I can't read.
-Jazzy: You just ate what could've been your lover...
-Liberty: Hope you enjoyed the chop soooooeeey!
-Jacob: Howdy!

--Hit Numbers From A Musical About Breasts
-Justice: The Hills Are Alive...
-Nebulous: I got a dime, for two nipples!
-Stephanie: Mammaries!
-Webster: Ohhhhhh....damn, those are some big titties!
-Liz: *fiddles w/radio dials as if they are nipples* Come in Tokyo, come in Tokyo...
-Bea Sunny: Strike up the ole' Victrola, I'm showin' my areola...

 

[Enter Username Here]

 

[Webster]

Don't know how you're coming up with all this Webster, but I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! :rolf2:

Just watching Youtube vids of Whose Line episodes and going along with the flow, babe...

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #14
--The First Verbal Exchange Between Adam & Eve...
-Nicholas (to bea Sunny): Damn!
-Nebulous (to Jazzy): Where do you want to go for dinner...

--Slogans On State Welcoming Signs
-Webster: Welcome to Montana, there's nobody here....
-Frankie: Welcome to Vermont, watch out for... *runs over something in highway* ...Jazzy...
-Stephanie: Utah welcomes you and your wives...
-Justice: Welcome to Rhode Island...thanks for visiting Rhode Island...
-Webster: Welcome to Hawaii, how in the hell did you get here by car?
-Liberty: Welcome to Arizona, Mexico's newest state...
-Webster: Welcome to Quebec, America's 51st state...

--Latin American Soccer Announcers On Their Day Off
-Webster: Yes, I'll have a Double Whopper, an order of fries...and a COOOOOOOOKKKKKKEEEEE!
-Webster: *a few moments later* ...where the hell's my COOOOOOOOKKKKKKEEEEE!
-Webster: *exasperated* You forgot my COOOOOOOOKKKKKKEEEEE!

--Weird Things For People To Find Beautiful...
-Jazzy, Stephanie, Liz and Bea Sunny walk out on stage with Doc Leftover...

--What Politicians' Wives Are Really Thinking As They Stand On Stage...
-Nebulous: Who's the Wookie, Barack?
-Justice: If I was his wife, I'd be Laura Gore....
-Liz: I sure hope Stephanie licks Bush tonight...

 

[+paradox]

how dare you not have me in #7!

Couldn't fit you into #7, Justice...you're in #8, though.  

unacceptable...

please continue though...

Well, thank you...anything in particular you like thus far?

a funny and well done project...

fun and entertaining...

 

[Nebulous]

Such the imagination at play here.

 

[+paradox]

Such the imagination at play here.

i see some truth in some of it though...

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #15
--Compliments You Give Your Prom Date That Will Get Your Face Slapped
-Nicholas (to Bea Sunny): You don't sweat much for a fat girl...
-Justice (to Jazzy): Wow, you look great...I am getting some tonight, aren't I?

--Inappropriate Comments From The Priest At Your Wedding...
-Liberty: Hmm..way to go...
-Nebulous: Hey, that was an excellent confession yesterday...
-Webster: You may now kiss the cow--; bride, bride....
-Liberty: Everyone's gettin' married these day, married...
-Webster: You have a good man in your husband....I know...

--People Who Shouldn't Work Naked...
*everyone drags Doc Leftover out on stage*
-Webster: *mimicking Bill Clinton* My fellow Americans...

--Ads Where The Product & Style Of Delivery Don't Match
-Webster (in an old lady's voice): Ever considered buying a Harley?
-Nebulous (in a doo-wop voice): Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo......capital punishment!
-Justice: Say Mazel Tov to bacon!
-Jazzy: This town ain't big enough for the two of us, Nebulous; you look a little scared...try these adult diapers...

 

[Nebulous]

Don't think I've ever done a doo-wop voice

*tries*

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #16
--People You Don't Want To Get Caught With Under The Mistletoe
-*everyone walks out on stage w/Doc Leftover*

--Celebrities Who Shouldn't Release Rap Albums
-*Doc Leftover walks out on stage* ...*to which Nebulous said, "it said celebrities, Doc..." and to which Doc replies, "oh, I thought you meant stud!"...*
-Justice: Well, I'm Newt Gingrich and I'm here to say...
-Liberty: *starts rapping in the style of Jimmy Stewart*
-Webster (in a robotic voice): I'm...Stephen...Hawking...
-Jacob (in the manner of Snagglepuss): Things are funky in the hoodeven...

--Thoughts That Keep Nebulous Up At Night
-Jazzy: Who else can I make a staff member here?

--What Santa Really Does When He Comes Down The Chimney
-Doc Leftover: *unzips and writes, 'Doc was here'...*

--Odd Things To Have Written On Cake Icing
-Doc Leftover: *unzips and begins writing on various cakes*

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #17
--Scenes From Famous Hollywood Movies As Written By Dr. Seuss
-Nebulous: Be-de-be boob-de-be, be-de-be baa, be-de-boo, I'll be back...

--U.S. Cities That Will Never Have A Song Written About Them...
-Dee: We wuv you, Walla Walla, Washington, we wuv you, Walla Walla, Washington...
-Doc Leftover: Proud citizens of Dog Lick!
-Webster: We call it Butte, not Butt, Montana...
-Nebulous: Who wants an Oxnard? I do, I do!
-Justice: What's the matter with Weed?

--Odd Things To Hear From The Voices In Your Head...
-Jazzy: ...just cut one brake line and you could be forum admin 'round here...
-Webster: I'm the little voice in your head. No, I'm the little voice in your head. No, I'm the little voice in your head...will the real little voice in your head please stand up? No, its' me, I'm the little voice in your head... *Nebulous, Liberty and Justice come out and drag Webster off-stage*

--Bad Times To Smoke A Cigarette
-Justice: Fire!!
-Ellie: ..alright, push Jazzy!
-Webster (to Nebulous): Man, I shouldn't have had that four-alarm burrito...

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #18
--Times When An 'Eenie-Meenie-Minie-Moe' Selection Method Is Not Appropriate
-Doc Leftover: *counts back and forth* Congratulations, President Bush!

--What Alexander Graham Bell Really Said When He Invented The Telephone
-Nebulous: Whazzup?!?
-Webster: Oh, yeah, Jazzy, then what would you do?
-Justice: Do you have Liberty in a can?

--Things The Pilot Wishes He Hadn't Said Over The Intercom
-Liberty: Oh, those Cuban sandwiches are coming back on me...
-Justice: Hawaii's shaped kinda like a liver, isn't it?
-Dee: Oh, this is easier than I thought...
-Webster: I'm so horny, I can't think straight!
-Justice: Did you see the juggs on the girl in Row 4?

--First Lines Of The Worst Poems Ever Written...
-Justice: Did you see the juggs on the girl in Row 4?
-Nebulous: When I was drunk, you were beautiful...
-Doc Leftover: Though you come from the small town of Pot Pucker...

--Things That Shouldn't Have Ejector Seats...
-Webster: *walks over and presses the ejector seat button on Nebulous's admin desk*

--Things Found In Nebulous's Appointment Book..
-Webster: 8:30pm, count my money...9pm, count my money....
-Jazzy: 8pm, blow up doll--; no, 8pm, pick up date...

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #18
--What Olympic Athletes Are Really Thinking As They're Listening To Their National Anthem
-Liberty: Wonder how much I can get for this medal...
-Jazzy: After this is over, I'm going to go fluff my Garfield...

--Things You Can Say About Your Business But Not Your Girlfriend
-Justice: Its' open 24 hours...
-Nebulous: I just leased out some space to Webster out back...
-Nebulous: Parking in rear...

--Shows You'd Never Expect Barney the Dinosaur To Make An Appearance
-Doc Leftover: Why, yes, that's my final answer...
-Justice: Alright, this is a stickup, now does anybody have a gun I can use?
-Jacob: I'm the father, Rachel..
-Webster: I'm voting Nebulous off the island...

--Hillbilly Proverbs
-Doc Leftover: A wife ain't nothing but a sister that you hug...
-Webster: When the going gets tough...squeal like Nebulous!

--What Nebulous Whispers' In His BF's Ear...
-Liberty: What's your name again?
-Webster: Keep the change...
-Justice: Where's Jazzy?

--Bad Times For That Laxative To Kick In...
-Jacob: Scalpel...
-Frankie: Now, if you'll turn in your hymnals to page 49--
-Justice: Oh, dear...

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #19
--Unusual Things To Be Coin-Operated
-Nebulous (to Doc): I really have to pee...do you have a quarter?
-Jazzy: Darn...does anyone have a quarter for the defibrillator?

--If Store Mannequins Could Talk
-Aaron (to Webster): Could someone pull this thing out of my butt?
-Jimbo: Would it kill anyone to add some genitalia?
-Webster (to Aaron): What the hell are we pointing at?

--Rejected State License Plate Mottos
-Doc Leftover: Mississippi...we do too have all our teeth!
-Stephanie: Utah...30,000 wives can't be wrong!
-Liberty: Miami...the land that time forgot! *Webster yells out off-stage, "Miami's not a state!"...*
-Liberty: Florida...the land that isn't Miami!
-Webster: North Carolina...how fast can you drive?
-Nebulous: Texas...capital punishment rocks!

--What God Created On The 8th Day
-Liz: ...and they shall it the other white meat!
-Nebulous: Hey, buddy...I'm Pauly Shore!
-Aaron: ...and they shall be known as the All Blacks!

--Bad Things To Hear From The Doctor Operating On You
-Webster: That's a good-looking boyfriend you have, Theeze...
-Jazzy: Hell, I'm not a doctor...but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!
-Jacob: That's not how it looked in the medical books...
-Doc Leftover: Fire me? Fire me?!?

--President Obama's To-Do List...
-Liberty: 10am, continuing screwing up America...
-Liberty: 9am, say hello to the Wookie...

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #20
--Odd Definitions Found In Webster's Dictionary
-Nebulous: Hmmm...'half-drunk ex-sportswriter....' ....see Doc Leftover...
-Jazzy: Reptile...see lawyer...
-Webster: Cigar...presidential sex aid....
-Doc Leftover: Practical joke, see fooling yourself....fooling yourself, see practical joke....

--Inappropriate Things To Do With One's Ashes
-Justice: Herbal tea, anyone?

--Bad Things To Say To Someone On Their Deathbed
-Nebulous: What're you going to do with your stereo?
-Ellie: ...peek-a-boo! ...peek-a-boo!!
-Webster: How 'bout that $30 bucks you owe me?
-Doc Leftover: It's me, Death! ...just kidding!
-Aaron: So, Nebulous, when do you think John will be ready to date again?

--Things You Don't Want To See On Your TV Screen
- *everyone yells out, "Doc Leftover!"...*
-Webster: *clicks through channels* Nebulous's Naked Off Topix Mud Wrestling.... *then adds deadpan* ...so that's where Jazzy heads off to at night...
-Ellie: *clicks channels* Satan and the Schoolgirl?!?

--Prizes You'd Like To See In Cereal Boxes
-Stephanie: Liz!

--Bad Songs To Serenade People With...
-Nebulous: oh, you're the best I can get....
-Liz: You seem real easy and willing to put out, so roll in the cream cheese, roll in the cream cheese...

--Line You Shouldn't Open A Sermon With...
-Doc Leftover: ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?!?
-Webster: How's it hangin'?
-Nebulous: LET'S GET READY TO GOSPEL!!!!

 

[Webster]

Scenes From A Hat #21
--Bad Times To Take Off Your Pants
-Nebulous: ...scalpel!
-Webster: C'mon, I'll take you through my cactus garden...

--Weird Things To Time
-Doc Leftover: Took a minute for the second hand to go around the clock...

--Bad Times To Use The Athletic Buttslap
-Frankie: Your Majesty!
-Webster: I'm sorry, Nebulous, but I don't think John's going to make it...
-Justice (to Jazzy): On behalf of the entire board, we'd like to congratulate you for your work as an admin!
-Nebulous (to Webster): How're the hemorrhoids?

--Conversation Topics That Will Always Ruin A Dinner
-Nebulous (to Webster): How're those hemorrhoids?
-Jazzy (to Liberty): You know, once you've tried human flesh, it is rather delicious...

--What The Off Topix Whose Line Cast Will Ask Santa For This Christmas?
-Doc Leftover: Please, Santa, some more Wild Turkey...

--Things Your Waitress Can Say That Could Be Misconstrued As Sexual...
-Jazzy: So, who's got the big meat?
-Webster: The breasts are on special...
-Nebulous: More cream in your coffee?
-Jazzy: Come again, please!

 

[+paradox]

Scenes From A Hat #21
--Bad Times To Use The Athletic Buttslap
-Justice (to Jazzy): On behalf of the entire board, we'd like to congratulate you for your work as an admin!

nah, i don't think that would be a bad time at all...